Because KIDS's emotions really matter!

I got this story as a forward few times. I loved the way it is written and more than that, it pictures so aptly how one must 'allow' himself to feel for others, especially kids. Read on, if you have some patience and excuse this post if you have read the story before.

*****

At a fund raising dinner for a school that serves learning-disabled children, the father of one of the students delivered a speech that would never be forgotten by all who attended. After extolling the school and its dedicated staff, he offered a question:

 "When not interfered with by outside influences, everything nature does is done with perfection. Yet my son, Shay, cannot learn things as other children do. He cannot understand things as other children do. Where is the natural order of things in my son?"

The audience was stilled by the query.

 The father continued. "I believe that when a child like Shay, physically and mentally handicapped comes into the world, an opportunity to realize true human nature presents itself, and it comes in the way other people treat that child."

Then he told the following story:

Shay and his father had walked past a park where some boys Shay knew were playing baseball. Shay asked, "Do you think they'll let me play?" Shay's father knew that most of the boys would not want someone like Shay on their team, but the father also understood  that if his son were allowed to play, it would give him a much-needed sense of belonging and some confidence to be accepted by others in spite of his handicaps.

Shay's father approached one of the boys on the field and asked (not expecting much) if Shay could play. The boy looked around for guidance and said, "We're losing by six runs and the game is in the eighth inning. I guess he can be on our team and we'll try to put him in to bat in the ninth inning."

Shay struggled over to the team's bench and, with a broad smile, put on a team shirt. His Father watched with a small tear in his eye and warmth in his heart. The boys saw the father's joy at his son being accepted. In the bottom of the eighth inning, Shay's team scored a few runs but was still behind by three. In the top of the ninth inning, Shay put on a glove and played in the right field. Even though no hits came his way, he was obviously ecstatic just to be in the game and on the field, grinning from ear to ear as his father waved to him from the stands. In the bottom of the ninth inning, Shay's team scored again. Now, with two outs and the bases loaded, the potential winning run was on base and Shay was scheduled to be next at bat.

 At this juncture, do they let Shay bat and give away their chance to win the game? Surprisingly, Shay was given the bat. Everyone knew that a hit was all but impossible because Shay didn't even know how to hold the bat properly, much less connect with the ball.

 However, as Shay stepped up to the plate, the pitcher, recognizing that the other team was putting winning aside for this moment in Shay's life, moved in a few steps to lob the ball in softly so Shay could at least make contact. The first pitch came and Shay swung clumsily and missed. The pitcher again took a few steps forward to toss the ball softly towards Shay. As the pitch came in, Shay swung at the ball and hit a slow ground ball right back to the pitcher.

The game would now be over. The pitcher picked up the soft grounder and could have easily thrown the ball to the first baseman. Shay would have been out and that would have been the end of the game.

Instead, the pitcher threw the ball right over the first baseman's head, out of reach of all team mates. Everyone from the stands and both teams started yelling, "Shay, run to first! Run to first!" Never in his life had Shay ever run that far, but he made it to first base. He scampered down the baseline, wide-eyed and startled.

 Everyone yelled, "Run to second, run to second!" Catching his breath, Shay awkwardly ran towards second, gleaming and struggling to make it to the base. By the time Shay rounded towards second base, the right fielder had the ball ... the smallest guy on their team who now had his first chance to be the hero for his team. He could have thrown the ball to the second-baseman for the tag, but he understood the pitcher's intentions so he, too, intentionally threw the ball high and far over the third-baseman' s head.

Shay ran toward third base deliriously as the runners ahead of him circled the bases toward home.

All were screaming, "Shay, Shay, Shay, all the Way Shay"

Shay reached third base because the opposing shortstop ran to help him by turning him in the direction of third base, and shouted, "Run to third! Shay, run to third!"

 As Shay rounded third, the boys from both teams, and the spectators, were on their feet screaming, "Shay, run home! Run home!" Shay ran to home, stepped on the plate, and was cheered as the hero who hit the grand slam and won the game for his team.

 "That day", said the father softly with tears now rolling down his face, "the boys from both teams helped bring a piece of true love and humanity into this world".

 Shay didn't make it to another summer. He died that winter, having never forgotten being the hero and making his father so happy, and coming home and seeing his Mother tearfully embrace her little hero of the day!

Review - "Over the Rainbow" Collection of Plays

Yeah, this one is for me and my friends... and maybe the kids and parents of the kids who were a part of the "Over the Rainbow" collection of plays.

In 3 words - "It was AWESOME!"

As the same plays were showcased on all the three days (2/3/4 July 2010), I watched it all on all the days and still, just have one thing to say - It was worth watching. Not because my son was a part of "Noddy" but because it was a collection showcased by kids of all age-groups. It was delightful to watch cute "Noddies" (there were two 'Noddy' characters as the skit was a long one), Mr Sparks (Nikhil), Tessie Bear, Big Ears (Sahil) and of course, Sly (Neil) and Gobbo. Both the "Noddy" boys were cute little fellows, though Adam (the first Noddy) was such a roly-poly that one would fall in love with him by just watching him in Noddy's outfit.Let me put the snaps of "Noddy" characters here. I didn't get them all, but here it is...

Sahil - Backstage

 Noddy

Noddy and Tessie Bear

Noddy - Waiting for a friend

Give it to me, Sly!

Noddy with Mr. Sparks!

Noddy and Big Ears - Video

The show started with a boy around 6/7 years old addressing the crowd. This opening was followed by a song from 'Ciara'. She sang it in a very soothing voice and set the mood for remaining silent happily. Then came 'Noddy and the Listening Game'.

This was played by kids only 5/6 years old but the way they carried themselves and the play, you would look twice to convince yourself. Nikhil was very cute as Mr Sparks when he mumbled his lines (he was the youngest of the lot, I guess); ending it with "Busy, Busy, Busy." It was fun to watch him go backwards to exit the stage, instead of going over to the other end. :)

When Noddy characters took over from one another, the first Noddy was to give second Noddy his cap and exit the stage. On the first two days, it was a faultless transition. On the last day, the cap was forgotten to be handed over. :( But you know, as we parents and relatives waited, wondering what would the second Noddy do (when Martha monkey walks upto him and makes sounds by touching the pom-pom of his cap)... the kids outsmarted us! Even though the second Noddy's cap was absent, Martha monkey enacted her part pretending the cap was very much there!! I truly didn't expect this finesse and was pleasantly surprised. The audience clapped as I am sure, they were as happy as I was that the kids didn't go bizarre.

The first day of the show, my dear Sahil slipped and feel just as he entered onto the stage. I was sorry and wondering if he would forget his lines due to the accident. He had forgotten his story once during Story-telling as he was pushed onto stage at his school. As I waited, my son picked himself up quickly and perfomed his part without any miss! Wasn't I excited, boy!

The fun was still to continue. As he went backstage after his role-play, forgetting that he is wearing the mike on his clothes, he announced to his teacher, "Ma'am, I just slipped and I fell." It was funny to hear the backstage dialogue while Noddy was going on the stage. :)

Tessie Bear, Martha Monkey, Goblins, Mr. Plod (and everyone else) played their roles with perfection. Of course there was a child-like curiosity as to when what would happen... but it was a different world altogether. Watching kids enact their lines was a treat.

After Noddy, it was time for "Oliver Twist".

.... To be continued.

OVER THE RAINBOW - By BOARDWALKERS THEATRE FOUNDATION

The BOARDWALKERS THEATRE FOUNDATION presents ... "Over the Rainbow", an evening of enchanting musicals.

Featuring excerpts from "SOUND OF MUSIC", "CHARLIE AND THE CHOCOLATE FACTORY", "OLIVER TWIST" and "NODDY".

Museum Theatre, Egmore.
July 2nd/3rd and 4th.
7 p.m.

Tickets: Rs 100/-, 150/- and 200/- available at Landmark, Odyssey and Fruitshop.

P.S: Sahil plays a small role in "Noddy". :)

Getting Valuated!

Recent Ones:

1. When I picked up my son from school and wanted to surprise him, I told him, "I have made 'Fried Rice' for you today." He surprised me (with his limiting thinking of my cooking talent) by asking me, "Ohhhhhh.... You know to make 'Fried Rice' mumma?" :(

2. The other day I was announcing to my husband that being a North-indian wife, I love to make 'Aloo Parathas' for him and our son. I realized that maybe I was being boastful when I said to my hubby, "Sahil and I love the aloo parathas with curd. Its only you who doesn't like it with curd." Our son was quick to respond, "Mumma, I also am not liking it so much. I am 'managing' what you are making me eat. Really."

I was shocked at the choice of words, the 'managing' and 'not liking'. :( Luckily, my sadness was short-lived as hubby agreed that the food wasn't that bad!

Legalising Surrogacy

I read through an article the other day about a proposal to legalize Surrogacy. Earlier, I have read posts of my friends; some of who equate surrogacy to a crime, and others who think that the gift of a baby is worth the emotional turbulence.

I find myself incapable of taking a stand in this regard. As a mother, I know the joy and love that holding a baby in the womb brings. That's the reason why I can't imagine the pain a woman would bear, after bearing a baby and then having to give it away. Irrespective of the conditions attached.

Yeah, one may argue, if she is emotionally weak, let her not go in for something like this. This is definitely not the job for the faint-hearted. But, hey, when did 'bearing a kid' become a job? Exactly. It hasn't been too long that the wombs have started to be rented out. For all the emotional hurdles a girl learns to put up with, this might seem the toughest. Worse still, if it is the 'family pressure' that's going to make women rent out their wombs. Why else would anyone, otherwise?

It's very difficult to remove emotional attachments from the issue. Yes, at least for the 'surrogated baby' the woman would be 'truly cared for' during her pregnancy - and 'paid' to have had the courage to spend nine months and more fussing over the baby she would eventually give up. Of course, one woman's loss would be another woman's gain. In that regard, the baby-giving could be compared to a blessing.

In olden days, mothers might have lost their newborns to some or the other health complication, every now and then. Now, when the situation is slightly better, by forcing people to take sufficient care of the mom-to-be and the baby-to-be - we are providing options like 'bringing a life and giving up the same' for a 'price'.

From another perspective, when you lack a bond and you feel the loss - it is natural to search for options. Some may find adoption a better choice (it is, considering the fact that the 'child' is already born and needs a bond too). However, when the facility to 'bear your own' (at the expense of someone else) exists, and one can 'afford' the same, why not? Either way, it is an emotional decision to make. It is easy for anyone to argue this way or that - trying to 'be in the right'; but almost killing for someone standing at that juncture - hoping/wishing/praying.

The other day when I was thinking about this, somehow I was reminded that don't we accept a 'kidney-donor'? Do we look at them (the borrower and the donor) with disgust? Why then, this seems so much more painful? Because, I am a woman too? Because, I know a woman would need to kill herself emotionally before giving away the baby she has mothered? I don't know... [On thinking more about this, I realized, it could be because - we don't feel the kidney growing within us, giving us a sense of fulfillment.)

One thing is for sure. The policy, if it comes into force, would have clauses for:
1. Women's Health
2. Number of Children one can surrogate (legally)
3. Pre-natal and Post-natal care
4. Compensation (minimum legality)

We must not forget any anti-depression treatment that the women may need, not just for a year or two after the deal. The scars may never heal and there could be moments when women would feel the loss, even years after the baby's gone. Ask any old woman how many kids she has had. You will get an answer inclusive of the blue babies who didn't survive long. Such is motherhood.

The "Elephant" Experience...

Oooooooo! For the first time ever, my son saw a living elephant so closely! I
clicked some snaps...will put them up tomorrow morning first thing. Gotto rush to
cook, didn't want this day to pass off without me noting what fun it was for the
little fellow to see the "Bigggggggg" elephant.

Afterwards, while going on the bike enjoying the cold breeze (yeah, its cold out here in Chennai since its raining now and then since yesterday.); I asked my son how he felt. He says - "Happy. That is opposite of Sad. Like Big is opposite of small." I just joked, "Sahil is small, elephant is Big." He announced, "You are making me sad. I am not small, I did not stand near elephant leg know, so I am not small. Shall we check the height?"

Of course, I had to convince him, even if I stood next to the elephant, elephant
would seem taller/bigger than me! Phew! He was finally 'okay' about being 'small'. :) And to say he is only a five year old... :PPP

The Boy Nobody No's

Came across a beautiful poem that makes it crystal clear that even when you love your kids, it is perfectly alright to deny them some things. As parents, we do know what's for the best and still, there are times when we give in to the happy feeling that comes, when we let kids have their way.

This poem has a simple touchy feeling that allows 'forever-agreeing' parents to learn to 'dis-agree' and at the same time, comforts the parents who are forever watchful of their own parenting style, wondering if they are right in saying 'No' to their kids. Let me know what you think.

******

Not so long ago, and not so far away
There was a little boy named Randy.
Now this little boy was a source of true joy,
To his Mom and Dad and family.

But Randy grew up in a curious way,
That some may consider best
For this little boy, unlike most little boys,
Received any and all requests.

He would want to do this, or ask to do that,
And his parents would never say "no";
They loved him so much and really believed
This was the perfect way to grow.
Things seemed to be fine for quite a long time,
And Randy's parents were proud
Then this little boy, who once was a joy,
Threw tantrums in front of a crowd.

His parents would try to quiet him down,
But he would just not be still
He did as he pleased, and no one would dare
To ever cross Randy's will.

They mumbled and stumbled for words to explain
Randy's shockingly rude displays
And all the worst tantrums seemed to be saved
For Christmas and holidays!

But then in the spring, ---- a wonderful thing,
An event , that opened their eyes
It happened in May, on a cool, rainy day
(Sometimes joy can be pain in disguise.)

Randy's friend came to play, and he stayed the whole day,
He and Jim had a wonderful time
When all of a sudden Jim got up to leave,
And started to say his "good byes".

It was getting near night, his friend Jim was polite
But he finally had to say,
"My dad said come home when it starts to get dark
So I'll have to be on my way.”

He left Randy there at the top of the stairs,
Then much to Jim's surprise;
He heard Randy crying, saw a few toys go flying
He just couldn't believe his eyes.

"Oh, let him go home!" Randy screamed all alone,
"I'll be sad and unhappy... who cares!"
Randy didn't know, that his dad was at home,
And heard the whole thing from downstairs.

His dad's heart was grieved, he just couldn't believe
Randy's awful behavior that day
He wanted to talk, so they went for a walk,
And discovered some things on the way.

Randy spoke first, "Jim's dad is the worst,
Who could have a daddy so mean!
I know if I said I wanted to stay,
You'd never make me have to leave!"

His dad then thought back on his own early years,
His father was tender, but tough;
And seemed to be able to balance the two—
Could it be that just love's not enough?

That's when it came clear, who was at fault here,
And Randy was not to blame
As hard as it was to admit to himself
He didn't raise Randy the same.

He turned to his son and regretfully said,
"I've done an injustice to you
By letting you go, never telling you 'no'
But now I see what to do

I was brought up to mind my own dad,
And I knew he loved me so
But there were many times, in love, He had to tell me 'no'!

Now there were tears, but through the years
A bond between us grew;
I'd like to think that someday
You'll say the same of me and you!

I love you so much, but love needs to be tough,
And I should be teaching you how
To handle yourself when faced with a 'no'
Do you think we could start over now?"

Randy thought long on all that was said,
And one thing he did know for sure;
That someday he wanted to be like his dad
He smiled and said, "Yes, Sir".

As they walked home, on that memorable night,
A father and son at their best;
They talked of the lessons of love in a "No",
That you'll never receive in a "Yes".

Copyright © 2004 by Jeannie Veltz

On Amma's B'Day

As another year of our togetherness begins,

Amma, I stand back and look at us;

Wondering at how soon life passes

and we are knit with memorable threads!

Though one fine day you came home

to see me formally,

I know, I had known some things

about you, prior to that.

Your son had given me

an image of you that overflows with love

and still, chooses to let free

those she loves!

At times, when I used to wonder

If you would be able to give me

your love, naturally, the way its given

to all your other children,

including my dear co-sis;

it was comforting to know,

your son had no such doubts.

He was always so sure

of your un-ending compassion,

that he drove away my fears

about complete acceptance,

as soon as they surfaced.

Of course, I still had

my own side of exploration...

From the first time I met you,

and you asked me, how would I like,

to be called.....The feeling I felt then, Amma,

to be asked so caringly,

made me feel one with the family.

Then, there were many other instances too.

Before I could show to you,

that I will do all I can

to keep the happiness and love

in the family intact....

you showered me with genuine affection!!!

If we thought your sons

love you so much b'coz they are yours,

My regards for you unknowingly increased

to see the bonding between bhabhi and you.

I knew it then, somewhere, deep within,

soon, I will be the child of the mother,

my hubby calls his own!

I can't pen down all the treasures

knowing you and being with you

have brought along.....

The one that makes me go emotional

anytime even today,

is the voice of love I heard

when we spoke first after Sahil's birth!

Do you remember, Amma?

You had cried for my pain!

I had fallen in love, all over again,

with my hubby, for him being your son!

That's how you are Amma.

Sweet, Caring, Loving

without hesitating....

gentle in your own way.

I have thought many times

to let you know all this

and much more....

but every time, we are together,

we are busy making new memories!

Only one last thing...

Please teach me, to be the mum

You have been, dear Amma.

Ajj Din Chadheya - Translation

A friend of mine had requested for a translation of the "Ajj Din Chadheya" song from "Love Aaj Kal" movie. I loved to do the translation and thought of adding it here for my other friends. Enjoy!

Love Aaj Kal – (2009)
Music Director: Pritam Chakraborty
Director: Imtiaz Ali
Lyrics: Irshad Kamil
Starring: Saif Ali Khan, Deepika Padukone
Song Title: Ajj Din Chadheya

Ajj Din Chadheya

Ajj din chadheya --------- Today, the day has come out
Tere rang varga ---------- In your color (God is supposed to be very bright, luminescent)

Ajj din chadheya ---------- Today, the day has come out
Tere rang varga ---------- In your color
Phul sa hai khila aaj din ---- the day has blossomed like a flower

Rabba mere din yeh na dhale ----- God, my days do not see a sunset (In the sense, when day ends, my pain doesn’t)
Woh jo mujhe khwab mein mile ---- the one whom meets me in my dreams
Use tu lagade ab gale --------------- you make me hug her (make her mine)
Tenu dil da vaasta ------------------ Am binding you with my heart’s yearning (The singer treats God like a friend/savior – so, its like – if you want my heart to keep beating…)


Rabba aaya dar digaar ke ------ God, I have come to your door (here I have a doubt, I think he says “dar pay pyaar key” – which would mean, at the lover’s door)
Sara jahan chod chaad ke ------ I have left the entire world (as only the loved one matters)
Mere sapne sawar de ---------- Make my dreams beautiful (make them real)
Tenu dil da vasta --------------- Am binding you with my heart’s yearning…


Ajj din chadheya ------- Today, the day has come out
Tere rang varga -------- In your color

Baksha gunaho ko -------- You have forgiven the sins
Sun ke duwao ko ---------- by listening to prayers (spoken by sinners)
Rabba pyaar hai ----------- God, love is
Tune sab ko hi de diya ----- What you have given to everyone

Meri bhi aahon ko ---------- To my sighs too (listen to my sighs)
Sun le duwao ko ----------- listen to my prayers
Mujhko woh dila maine jisko hai dil diya ---- Give me the one to whom I have given my heart…

Aas voh pyaas voh usko de itna bata ----- She is my hope, my thirst; please tell her just this
Woh jo mujhko dekh ke hase ------------ the one who laughs on seeing me
Pana chahun raat din jise ----------------- whom I want to make mine day and night
Rabba mere naam kar use ---------------- God, assign her to me! :)
Tenu dil da vasta ------------------------- Am binding you with my heart’s yearning…

Ajj din chadheya
Tere rang varga

Maanga jo mera hai ------------------------- I have asked you what is mine
Jaata kya tera hai ---------------------------- What do you stand to lose?
Maine kaun si tujhse jannat maang li ---------- I have not asked you for the paradise (in the sense, paradise is yours, am not asking that)

Kaisa khuda hai tu --------------------------- What kind of a God are you?
Bas naam ka hai tu --------------------------- You might be only a name afterall
Rabba jo teri itni si bhi na chali ----------- if YOU can not even deliver my asking! (In the sense, your specialty is in doing what mortals can not)

Chahiye jo mujhe -------------- What I desire
Kar de tu mujhko ata ---------- you please handover to me
Jeeti rahe saltanat teri ---------- May your lineage rejoice
Jeeti rahe ashiqui meri ---------- May my love rejoice
Dede mujhe zindagi meri -------- Give me my life to me….
Tenu dil da vasta ---------------- Am binding you with my heart’s yearning…

Rabba mere din yeh na dhale
Woh jo mujhe khwab mein mile
Use tu lagade ab gale
Tenu dil da vasta

Rabba aaya dar pay yaar ke
Sara jahan chod chad ke
Mere sapne sawar de
Tenu dil da vasta

Ajj din chadheya
Tere rang varga
Ajj din chadheya
Tere rang vargaaaa…
Ajj din chadheya
Tere rang vargaaa..
Din chadheyaaaa..

Note: Let me know if you need me to translate any other song... I would love to do it! :)

Some of Sahil's Sentences!

Here are some of the 'verbatim' stuff - from Sahil - jotted sometime last September...

S: "I tell. You write. OK?" ----- while doing HW.

S: "I write, then I can learn?" ----- when I insisted that he writes, so he can learn.

S: "How you know? desk is 'd', 'e' 's' 'k'? You telling when u r writing? u saw my note book?" ------ when he asked me 'desk' spelling and I told correctly.

S: "I don't want to say when I am writing. I am writing only, know?" -------- When I was insisting he reads while he writes.

S: "Can I color first, then we do home work?" -------- When he had writing and coloring to do.

S: "You help me color, please. Lets do something that I can do fast. Okay?"

S: "Mine not gone outside, see your color I think is going to go outside. You are doing so faassst know. We should not put it outside. Correct, mumma?" ------ While trying to color 'perfectly'.

S: "Okay, now I am your mother. Okay?" ----- Role-play, so he can command what needs to be done.

S: "I am the teacher. I teach you, you tell me, I ask, okay? Tell me, desk. " ----- When I asked him 'desk' spelling and he didn't know.

S: "When I become big, and I become mummy know... then you will become small know, then I take care of you, okay?" -------- This one is my favorite!! I had fun explaining he would not become 'mummy' and I would never become 'small'. :)

S: "In my school - one Aditi know, she told me 'shut up' today mumma. I felt v bad, I also told her shut up. "
M: We should not speak like that, v bad she told u like that. U don't talk like that to anyone who says bad words okay. We should never say bad words. I don't want you to say 'shut up' to anyone....
S: "Okay, next time, this time i told 'galti say' (by mistake), next time, I not say. I won't talk to anyone telling bad words, okay mumma? mumma, why is 'shut up' bad word? we should not tell 'rascal' also?" : : : (I begin to wonder.....)

The Gift from "Indus Ladies" on Mother's Day!!!

Yey! This Mother's Day, I have been given a gift for being a 'Mommy Blogger'. :) No wonder, I can't stop smiling!

When there have been moments, when I have wondered,
why do I blog?
Plus, why don't I
blog all that comes to my mind?
I have given myself enough reasons and excuses.

I haven't forgotten - I began blogging as a side-effect of motherhood. :) I began with hoping to jot down all that 'being a mother' is all about. I, obviously have failed to do so... as in, not everything that makes me what I am (even just as a 'Mom') can't be reasonably jotted. Mmm... I have continued though, and plan to do so for as long as I can.

This Mother's Day - my son didn't give me a gift (like two years ago), or a card (with his dad's help). He hugged me, and with excitement in his eyes, looked at me and immediately after wishing me - asked me what "Gifttt" I was going to give him!! At that moment, I realized a profound truth I had known but never worded. I was able to think that Mother's Day is not only about celebrating your mother for being who she is -- because she is your mother all your life; it is about celebrating the bonding that exists between a parent and a child. Irrespective of who teaches whom on which day, a Mother's Day is for a mother to count her blessings and to bless her kids.

You know what? The plain act of my son asking me a 'gift' - made me ponder in what ways I can contribute as a mother, to anyone else, besides my own baby. I got some brilliant ideas and I am going to take up at least one of them. Let me see how far I take it. I will write about it in another post, hopefully out of the post-implementation excitement.

Okay, now about the 'Gift' that I got from Indus Ladies. Well, well, Indus Ladies has brought the "Mommy Bloggers" close-together by compiling an e-book, just for Us. :) :) Mm, I am listed there too, but the real joy is to get links to so many other Mommies out there - who are writing about their experiences with their kids!

If like me, you are interested in reading what other Mothers are saying/doing/going through - here's the e-book: Indus Ladies - Mommy Bloggers E-book

Have fun and let me know if you come across something that you want me to write about!



Hiya! Am Back...

I came across the following quote a few months ago. I was actually captivated by the exact match of words that portray how I think. Here it is, see if it makes sense to you:

*****

Fritz Williams:
I believe in cultivating opposite, but complementary views of life, and I believe in meeting life's challenges with contradictory strategies. I believe in reckoning with the ultimate meaninglessness of our existence, even as we fall in love with the miracle of being alive. I believe in working passionately to make our lives count while never losing sight of our insignificance. I believe in caring deeply and being beyond caring. It is by encompassing these opposites, by being involved and vulnerable, but simultaneously transcendent and detached, that our lives are graced by resilience and joy.


*****

For the Little Ones - Pending since 19Nov09

I know it pains when we read or come across some gory detail of any form of child abuse. Why am I writing about it? Do I think, my writing in my own blog can make a difference? Well, YES!

For all that I am worth, if I am asked to punish someone who is guilty of misbehaving with a kid, I won’t think twice. I wonder why we have all such cases languishing in our courts. How dare we let anyone who is ‘found guilty’ to be ‘proved innocent’ and keep the trials on for years?

If there is someone who truly moves me – It’s a kid. I am sure, most of the people I have known until now, have felt that ‘soft, caring’ feeling for the little ones. Is it because we form a society that has so much drama involved in everything that happens; we choose to hush the words when someone comes along complaining or is it that we are basically, gutless?

How many of us know and acknowledge that there are several forms of abusing a child? How many of us, bother to find out for ourselves, how many kids have faced some form of abuse? How many of us are willing to take the right steps to put an end to all this? Most important, how many of us know – what is the right preventive and curative approach?

Breaking off for a bit and adding all my other thoughts on making this a safer/better place for kids:

1. Can we ensure the school kids who commute by government buses have special buses at their service?

2. Can we ensure that whichever school it may be – there is ownership on maintaining a clean and safe environment?

a. Start with the staff.
i. Do you have a mandate in place that teachers are not allowed to raise their hands/scale/textbooks/dusters to ‘instill discipline’?
ii. Do you have a character certificate for the staff you employ? Do you think it is required? Not just the teachers, the office staff, include even the school bus drivers/conductors, ayahs and even the gardener. ---- Sounds far fetched? Well, it’s how important you think safety of a kid is!

b. Can you ensure that all the school kids reach school without their bags getting locked into some truck? – This happened yesterday to a school kid cycling to his school.

c. Can we ensure there are cycling zones for at least 4 kms near each school, in all directions? – sounds far fetched again!

d. Can we ensure our kids don’t carry the burden of bags more than half their own weight?

e. Can we ensure that we have separate toilet facilities for kids – without making them witness adults relieving themselves shamelessly?

3. Can we ensure our kids don’t carry the weight of our aspirations so much that any failure breaks their spirit?

4. Can we ensure that our kids are taught that it’s not right to bully or be bullied?

5. It isn’t enough to ban ragging. The need of the hour is to teach kids how morally wrong it is to ‘demean’ anyone in any way! The lessons need to start early…

6. Have we the courage to give the confidence to our kids that they can share whatever they want to – with us (parents/teachers) without fearing reprimand?

7. Do we make our kids aware of ‘how they can be ill treated” and what they must do in those cases?

8. Do we give them the trust that we trust them?

9. The helping hands that we employ – drivers/maids/watchmen – do we care for their welfare and treat them with dignity? Are we passing the same lessons to our kids? Are we ensuring, our kids don’t become easy targets to ‘keeping dirty secrets’?

I wish we had strict and immediate punishments, which deter the abusers from any such thoughts as well. Also, there’s a need for ‘education against abuse’. The kids know it any day when they are wronged that it’s not something right – but we need to teach them how to safeguard and speak about such incidents – in confidence to their parents. As educators, we need to tell parents that it does not right the wrong to scold or blame your child when he/she reports in such unfortunate incidents. Moreover, as a society, we need to take collective responsibility to avoid unnecessary moral policing but be willing and open to watching and initiating strong action against the wrong-doers.

As a society, can we ensure that we don’t employ girls of tender age for house-keeping? Many times, while keeping the houses clean, these girls suffer at the hands of the other keepers or the owner. It is not unusual to be beaten up if they fail in any of their duties. How many of us are aware that it is a form of abuse? When we talk of child abuse, verbal/physical abuses and domestic violence – all of it applies to children of all ages who still are not big enough to support themselves and save themselves.

Being educated ourselves; we can hope to bring in a BETTER tomorrow. For ourselves – by not committing any such abuses and for them – by sparing them any torture. Being aware is the first step. Being a human, second. Or is it the other way round? What does it take to understand another person’s pain? …

To know more about child abuse and its impact – go here - http://childsexualabuseinindia.blogspot.com

December-09 Updates

1. Allowing him to test my gaming skills on iPod Touch has had its advantage. When I lost, I smilingly said, "I didn't practice. How could I win? Okay, I lost." Thereafter, my son seems to have understood two things. We don't need to 'feel bad' if we lose and we need to 'practice' if we want to be good at something! I get to see a big change in him when we sit to do our lessons and my dear son announces, "mumma, I am going to 'practice' everything. You ask me to write, okay? I will write all words 3 times?" [This coming from a boy who finds it too much to sit still and do his lessons! Pat on the back to me!]

Not just this, while writing, when he makes "s" like "r", when I chide, he says, "That's why I am practicing, because I not write very neatly. I will do it 'corretttly' now, see..." :)) How can I not feel proud of a willing heart!?

2. He had questions with "these" and "those". Each "these" question had to be answered starting with "these" (as expected). However, while teaching him, I asked him, "what are these?" - pointing to a set of balls. While he was thinking his answer (I am sure he was counting how many red and how many blue balls were there in the picture...), I looked at him. In my impatience to hurry him, I looked at the picture and said - "these are those". [Wanting him to decode 'those' as 'balls']. For my next question, "what are these", my son doesn't blink an eyelid and pat comes the reply - "these are those". :) [You get what you give...]

3. I love being called "kutty mumma" by my son. I call him "kutty paaapu" meaning "small baby".... and its been more than a year that my son first called me lovingly "kutty mumma". :) It feels wonderful whenever he remembers to shower me with that special "arms around my neck", "cheek-on-cheek", "kutty mumma" hug!

4. His dad takes a full pack of Britannia Cakes. While I pack sahil's tiffins, he asks me for a full pack too. As I stand to reason out, he says, "you gave full pack to my father know?". I say, "yes shona, but he has a drawer at office where he can keep it. You will waste if you take full pack and go..." and that answer doesn't satisfy my little one. Full marks if you guess what he tells next! --- "I not waste. I eat and then I bring it back okay? I help you alcho, I fill my bottle, still now you are not giving me full packet. I like that cake. You give to my daddy only fully." :)) I didn't want him to think that I love his dad more than I love him (what's love got to do with a pack of cake!). Plus, I didn't want him to think that 'filling his bottle, helping me' is a bribe that's gonna get him the cake. I was like, "Shall I keep 2 cake pieces and rest you come home and eat? How about that?" He says, "I not talk." I am left with no choice but not to let him spoil my mood and his for a pack of cake. I got a box and told him, he can take the whole pack but bring back any that he isn't able to finish, by keeping properly in the box. The monkey gets back to his 'hanging on the branch' tricks! (read - being his mom's backpack!) saying "I loveeeeeee youuuu 10 mummmmmyyyyy".

Yey!! It's New Year Again!

A very Happy New Year to all my friends out there!

Wish you all loads of happiness, good health and many joyful moments in the year ahead.

--- Warm regards.