For the Little Ones - Pending since 19Nov09

I know it pains when we read or come across some gory detail of any form of child abuse. Why am I writing about it? Do I think, my writing in my own blog can make a difference? Well, YES!

For all that I am worth, if I am asked to punish someone who is guilty of misbehaving with a kid, I won’t think twice. I wonder why we have all such cases languishing in our courts. How dare we let anyone who is ‘found guilty’ to be ‘proved innocent’ and keep the trials on for years?

If there is someone who truly moves me – It’s a kid. I am sure, most of the people I have known until now, have felt that ‘soft, caring’ feeling for the little ones. Is it because we form a society that has so much drama involved in everything that happens; we choose to hush the words when someone comes along complaining or is it that we are basically, gutless?

How many of us know and acknowledge that there are several forms of abusing a child? How many of us, bother to find out for ourselves, how many kids have faced some form of abuse? How many of us are willing to take the right steps to put an end to all this? Most important, how many of us know – what is the right preventive and curative approach?

Breaking off for a bit and adding all my other thoughts on making this a safer/better place for kids:

1. Can we ensure the school kids who commute by government buses have special buses at their service?

2. Can we ensure that whichever school it may be – there is ownership on maintaining a clean and safe environment?

a. Start with the staff.
i. Do you have a mandate in place that teachers are not allowed to raise their hands/scale/textbooks/dusters to ‘instill discipline’?
ii. Do you have a character certificate for the staff you employ? Do you think it is required? Not just the teachers, the office staff, include even the school bus drivers/conductors, ayahs and even the gardener. ---- Sounds far fetched? Well, it’s how important you think safety of a kid is!

b. Can you ensure that all the school kids reach school without their bags getting locked into some truck? – This happened yesterday to a school kid cycling to his school.

c. Can we ensure there are cycling zones for at least 4 kms near each school, in all directions? – sounds far fetched again!

d. Can we ensure our kids don’t carry the burden of bags more than half their own weight?

e. Can we ensure that we have separate toilet facilities for kids – without making them witness adults relieving themselves shamelessly?

3. Can we ensure our kids don’t carry the weight of our aspirations so much that any failure breaks their spirit?

4. Can we ensure that our kids are taught that it’s not right to bully or be bullied?

5. It isn’t enough to ban ragging. The need of the hour is to teach kids how morally wrong it is to ‘demean’ anyone in any way! The lessons need to start early…

6. Have we the courage to give the confidence to our kids that they can share whatever they want to – with us (parents/teachers) without fearing reprimand?

7. Do we make our kids aware of ‘how they can be ill treated” and what they must do in those cases?

8. Do we give them the trust that we trust them?

9. The helping hands that we employ – drivers/maids/watchmen – do we care for their welfare and treat them with dignity? Are we passing the same lessons to our kids? Are we ensuring, our kids don’t become easy targets to ‘keeping dirty secrets’?

I wish we had strict and immediate punishments, which deter the abusers from any such thoughts as well. Also, there’s a need for ‘education against abuse’. The kids know it any day when they are wronged that it’s not something right – but we need to teach them how to safeguard and speak about such incidents – in confidence to their parents. As educators, we need to tell parents that it does not right the wrong to scold or blame your child when he/she reports in such unfortunate incidents. Moreover, as a society, we need to take collective responsibility to avoid unnecessary moral policing but be willing and open to watching and initiating strong action against the wrong-doers.

As a society, can we ensure that we don’t employ girls of tender age for house-keeping? Many times, while keeping the houses clean, these girls suffer at the hands of the other keepers or the owner. It is not unusual to be beaten up if they fail in any of their duties. How many of us are aware that it is a form of abuse? When we talk of child abuse, verbal/physical abuses and domestic violence – all of it applies to children of all ages who still are not big enough to support themselves and save themselves.

Being educated ourselves; we can hope to bring in a BETTER tomorrow. For ourselves – by not committing any such abuses and for them – by sparing them any torture. Being aware is the first step. Being a human, second. Or is it the other way round? What does it take to understand another person’s pain? …

To know more about child abuse and its impact – go here - http://childsexualabuseinindia.blogspot.com

December-09 Updates

1. Allowing him to test my gaming skills on iPod Touch has had its advantage. When I lost, I smilingly said, "I didn't practice. How could I win? Okay, I lost." Thereafter, my son seems to have understood two things. We don't need to 'feel bad' if we lose and we need to 'practice' if we want to be good at something! I get to see a big change in him when we sit to do our lessons and my dear son announces, "mumma, I am going to 'practice' everything. You ask me to write, okay? I will write all words 3 times?" [This coming from a boy who finds it too much to sit still and do his lessons! Pat on the back to me!]

Not just this, while writing, when he makes "s" like "r", when I chide, he says, "That's why I am practicing, because I not write very neatly. I will do it 'corretttly' now, see..." :)) How can I not feel proud of a willing heart!?

2. He had questions with "these" and "those". Each "these" question had to be answered starting with "these" (as expected). However, while teaching him, I asked him, "what are these?" - pointing to a set of balls. While he was thinking his answer (I am sure he was counting how many red and how many blue balls were there in the picture...), I looked at him. In my impatience to hurry him, I looked at the picture and said - "these are those". [Wanting him to decode 'those' as 'balls']. For my next question, "what are these", my son doesn't blink an eyelid and pat comes the reply - "these are those". :) [You get what you give...]

3. I love being called "kutty mumma" by my son. I call him "kutty paaapu" meaning "small baby".... and its been more than a year that my son first called me lovingly "kutty mumma". :) It feels wonderful whenever he remembers to shower me with that special "arms around my neck", "cheek-on-cheek", "kutty mumma" hug!

4. His dad takes a full pack of Britannia Cakes. While I pack sahil's tiffins, he asks me for a full pack too. As I stand to reason out, he says, "you gave full pack to my father know?". I say, "yes shona, but he has a drawer at office where he can keep it. You will waste if you take full pack and go..." and that answer doesn't satisfy my little one. Full marks if you guess what he tells next! --- "I not waste. I eat and then I bring it back okay? I help you alcho, I fill my bottle, still now you are not giving me full packet. I like that cake. You give to my daddy only fully." :)) I didn't want him to think that I love his dad more than I love him (what's love got to do with a pack of cake!). Plus, I didn't want him to think that 'filling his bottle, helping me' is a bribe that's gonna get him the cake. I was like, "Shall I keep 2 cake pieces and rest you come home and eat? How about that?" He says, "I not talk." I am left with no choice but not to let him spoil my mood and his for a pack of cake. I got a box and told him, he can take the whole pack but bring back any that he isn't able to finish, by keeping properly in the box. The monkey gets back to his 'hanging on the branch' tricks! (read - being his mom's backpack!) saying "I loveeeeeee youuuu 10 mummmmmyyyyy".

Yey!! It's New Year Again!

A very Happy New Year to all my friends out there!

Wish you all loads of happiness, good health and many joyful moments in the year ahead.

--- Warm regards.