Recent Ones:
1. When I picked up my son from school and wanted to surprise him, I told him, "I have made 'Fried Rice' for you today." He surprised me (with his limiting thinking of my cooking talent) by asking me, "Ohhhhhh.... You know to make 'Fried Rice' mumma?" :(
2. The other day I was announcing to my husband that being a North-indian wife, I love to make 'Aloo Parathas' for him and our son. I realized that maybe I was being boastful when I said to my hubby, "Sahil and I love the aloo parathas with curd. Its only you who doesn't like it with curd." Our son was quick to respond, "Mumma, I also am not liking it so much. I am 'managing' what you are making me eat. Really."
I was shocked at the choice of words, the 'managing' and 'not liking'. :( Luckily, my sadness was short-lived as hubby agreed that the food wasn't that bad!
Tuesday, June 29, 2010
Friday, June 25, 2010
Legalising Surrogacy
I read through an article the other day about a proposal to legalize Surrogacy. Earlier, I have read posts of my friends; some of who equate surrogacy to a crime, and others who think that the gift of a baby is worth the emotional turbulence.
I find myself incapable of taking a stand in this regard. As a mother, I know the joy and love that holding a baby in the womb brings. That's the reason why I can't imagine the pain a woman would bear, after bearing a baby and then having to give it away. Irrespective of the conditions attached.
Yeah, one may argue, if she is emotionally weak, let her not go in for something like this. This is definitely not the job for the faint-hearted. But, hey, when did 'bearing a kid' become a job? Exactly. It hasn't been too long that the wombs have started to be rented out. For all the emotional hurdles a girl learns to put up with, this might seem the toughest. Worse still, if it is the 'family pressure' that's going to make women rent out their wombs. Why else would anyone, otherwise?
It's very difficult to remove emotional attachments from the issue. Yes, at least for the 'surrogated baby' the woman would be 'truly cared for' during her pregnancy - and 'paid' to have had the courage to spend nine months and more fussing over the baby she would eventually give up. Of course, one woman's loss would be another woman's gain. In that regard, the baby-giving could be compared to a blessing.
In olden days, mothers might have lost their newborns to some or the other health complication, every now and then. Now, when the situation is slightly better, by forcing people to take sufficient care of the mom-to-be and the baby-to-be - we are providing options like 'bringing a life and giving up the same' for a 'price'.
From another perspective, when you lack a bond and you feel the loss - it is natural to search for options. Some may find adoption a better choice (it is, considering the fact that the 'child' is already born and needs a bond too). However, when the facility to 'bear your own' (at the expense of someone else) exists, and one can 'afford' the same, why not? Either way, it is an emotional decision to make. It is easy for anyone to argue this way or that - trying to 'be in the right'; but almost killing for someone standing at that juncture - hoping/wishing/praying.
The other day when I was thinking about this, somehow I was reminded that don't we accept a 'kidney-donor'? Do we look at them (the borrower and the donor) with disgust? Why then, this seems so much more painful? Because, I am a woman too? Because, I know a woman would need to kill herself emotionally before giving away the baby she has mothered? I don't know... [On thinking more about this, I realized, it could be because - we don't feel the kidney growing within us, giving us a sense of fulfillment.)
One thing is for sure. The policy, if it comes into force, would have clauses for:
1. Women's Health
2. Number of Children one can surrogate (legally)
3. Pre-natal and Post-natal care
4. Compensation (minimum legality)
We must not forget any anti-depression treatment that the women may need, not just for a year or two after the deal. The scars may never heal and there could be moments when women would feel the loss, even years after the baby's gone. Ask any old woman how many kids she has had. You will get an answer inclusive of the blue babies who didn't survive long. Such is motherhood.
I find myself incapable of taking a stand in this regard. As a mother, I know the joy and love that holding a baby in the womb brings. That's the reason why I can't imagine the pain a woman would bear, after bearing a baby and then having to give it away. Irrespective of the conditions attached.
Yeah, one may argue, if she is emotionally weak, let her not go in for something like this. This is definitely not the job for the faint-hearted. But, hey, when did 'bearing a kid' become a job? Exactly. It hasn't been too long that the wombs have started to be rented out. For all the emotional hurdles a girl learns to put up with, this might seem the toughest. Worse still, if it is the 'family pressure' that's going to make women rent out their wombs. Why else would anyone, otherwise?
It's very difficult to remove emotional attachments from the issue. Yes, at least for the 'surrogated baby' the woman would be 'truly cared for' during her pregnancy - and 'paid' to have had the courage to spend nine months and more fussing over the baby she would eventually give up. Of course, one woman's loss would be another woman's gain. In that regard, the baby-giving could be compared to a blessing.
In olden days, mothers might have lost their newborns to some or the other health complication, every now and then. Now, when the situation is slightly better, by forcing people to take sufficient care of the mom-to-be and the baby-to-be - we are providing options like 'bringing a life and giving up the same' for a 'price'.
From another perspective, when you lack a bond and you feel the loss - it is natural to search for options. Some may find adoption a better choice (it is, considering the fact that the 'child' is already born and needs a bond too). However, when the facility to 'bear your own' (at the expense of someone else) exists, and one can 'afford' the same, why not? Either way, it is an emotional decision to make. It is easy for anyone to argue this way or that - trying to 'be in the right'; but almost killing for someone standing at that juncture - hoping/wishing/praying.
The other day when I was thinking about this, somehow I was reminded that don't we accept a 'kidney-donor'? Do we look at them (the borrower and the donor) with disgust? Why then, this seems so much more painful? Because, I am a woman too? Because, I know a woman would need to kill herself emotionally before giving away the baby she has mothered? I don't know... [On thinking more about this, I realized, it could be because - we don't feel the kidney growing within us, giving us a sense of fulfillment.)
One thing is for sure. The policy, if it comes into force, would have clauses for:
1. Women's Health
2. Number of Children one can surrogate (legally)
3. Pre-natal and Post-natal care
4. Compensation (minimum legality)
We must not forget any anti-depression treatment that the women may need, not just for a year or two after the deal. The scars may never heal and there could be moments when women would feel the loss, even years after the baby's gone. Ask any old woman how many kids she has had. You will get an answer inclusive of the blue babies who didn't survive long. Such is motherhood.
Wednesday, June 23, 2010
The "Elephant" Experience...
Oooooooo! For the first time ever, my son saw a living elephant so closely! I
clicked some snaps...will put them up tomorrow morning first thing. Gotto rush to
cook, didn't want this day to pass off without me noting what fun it was for the
little fellow to see the "Bigggggggg" elephant.
Afterwards, while going on the bike enjoying the cold breeze (yeah, its cold out here in Chennai since its raining now and then since yesterday.); I asked my son how he felt. He says - "Happy. That is opposite of Sad. Like Big is opposite of small." I just joked, "Sahil is small, elephant is Big." He announced, "You are making me sad. I am not small, I did not stand near elephant leg know, so I am not small. Shall we check the height?"
Of course, I had to convince him, even if I stood next to the elephant, elephant
would seem taller/bigger than me! Phew! He was finally 'okay' about being 'small'. :) And to say he is only a five year old... :PPP
clicked some snaps...will put them up tomorrow morning first thing. Gotto rush to
cook, didn't want this day to pass off without me noting what fun it was for the
little fellow to see the "Bigggggggg" elephant.
Afterwards, while going on the bike enjoying the cold breeze (yeah, its cold out here in Chennai since its raining now and then since yesterday.); I asked my son how he felt. He says - "Happy. That is opposite of Sad. Like Big is opposite of small." I just joked, "Sahil is small, elephant is Big." He announced, "You are making me sad. I am not small, I did not stand near elephant leg know, so I am not small. Shall we check the height?"
Of course, I had to convince him, even if I stood next to the elephant, elephant
would seem taller/bigger than me! Phew! He was finally 'okay' about being 'small'. :) And to say he is only a five year old... :PPP
Thursday, June 3, 2010
The Boy Nobody No's
Came across a beautiful poem that makes it crystal clear that even when you love your kids, it is perfectly alright to deny them some things. As parents, we do know what's for the best and still, there are times when we give in to the happy feeling that comes, when we let kids have their way.
This poem has a simple touchy feeling that allows 'forever-agreeing' parents to learn to 'dis-agree' and at the same time, comforts the parents who are forever watchful of their own parenting style, wondering if they are right in saying 'No' to their kids. Let me know what you think.
******
Not so long ago, and not so far away
There was a little boy named Randy.
Now this little boy was a source of true joy,
To his Mom and Dad and family.
But Randy grew up in a curious way,
That some may consider best
For this little boy, unlike most little boys,
Received any and all requests.
He would want to do this, or ask to do that,
And his parents would never say "no";
They loved him so much and really believed
This was the perfect way to grow.
Things seemed to be fine for quite a long time,
And Randy's parents were proud
Then this little boy, who once was a joy,
Threw tantrums in front of a crowd.
His parents would try to quiet him down,
But he would just not be still
He did as he pleased, and no one would dare
To ever cross Randy's will.
They mumbled and stumbled for words to explain
Randy's shockingly rude displays
And all the worst tantrums seemed to be saved
For Christmas and holidays!
But then in the spring, ---- a wonderful thing,
An event , that opened their eyes
It happened in May, on a cool, rainy day
(Sometimes joy can be pain in disguise.)
Randy's friend came to play, and he stayed the whole day,
He and Jim had a wonderful time
When all of a sudden Jim got up to leave,
And started to say his "good byes".
It was getting near night, his friend Jim was polite
But he finally had to say,
"My dad said come home when it starts to get dark
So I'll have to be on my way.”
He left Randy there at the top of the stairs,
Then much to Jim's surprise;
He heard Randy crying, saw a few toys go flying
He just couldn't believe his eyes.
"Oh, let him go home!" Randy screamed all alone,
"I'll be sad and unhappy... who cares!"
Randy didn't know, that his dad was at home,
And heard the whole thing from downstairs.
His dad's heart was grieved, he just couldn't believe
Randy's awful behavior that day
He wanted to talk, so they went for a walk,
And discovered some things on the way.
Randy spoke first, "Jim's dad is the worst,
Who could have a daddy so mean!
I know if I said I wanted to stay,
You'd never make me have to leave!"
His dad then thought back on his own early years,
His father was tender, but tough;
And seemed to be able to balance the two—
Could it be that just love's not enough?
That's when it came clear, who was at fault here,
And Randy was not to blame
As hard as it was to admit to himself
He didn't raise Randy the same.
He turned to his son and regretfully said,
"I've done an injustice to you
By letting you go, never telling you 'no'
But now I see what to do
I was brought up to mind my own dad,
And I knew he loved me so
But there were many times, in love, He had to tell me 'no'!
Now there were tears, but through the years
A bond between us grew;
I'd like to think that someday
You'll say the same of me and you!
I love you so much, but love needs to be tough,
And I should be teaching you how
To handle yourself when faced with a 'no'
Do you think we could start over now?"
Randy thought long on all that was said,
And one thing he did know for sure;
That someday he wanted to be like his dad
He smiled and said, "Yes, Sir".
As they walked home, on that memorable night,
A father and son at their best;
They talked of the lessons of love in a "No",
That you'll never receive in a "Yes".
Copyright © 2004 by Jeannie Veltz
This poem has a simple touchy feeling that allows 'forever-agreeing' parents to learn to 'dis-agree' and at the same time, comforts the parents who are forever watchful of their own parenting style, wondering if they are right in saying 'No' to their kids. Let me know what you think.
******
Not so long ago, and not so far away
There was a little boy named Randy.
Now this little boy was a source of true joy,
To his Mom and Dad and family.
But Randy grew up in a curious way,
That some may consider best
For this little boy, unlike most little boys,
Received any and all requests.
He would want to do this, or ask to do that,
And his parents would never say "no";
They loved him so much and really believed
This was the perfect way to grow.
Things seemed to be fine for quite a long time,
And Randy's parents were proud
Then this little boy, who once was a joy,
Threw tantrums in front of a crowd.
His parents would try to quiet him down,
But he would just not be still
He did as he pleased, and no one would dare
To ever cross Randy's will.
They mumbled and stumbled for words to explain
Randy's shockingly rude displays
And all the worst tantrums seemed to be saved
For Christmas and holidays!
But then in the spring, ---- a wonderful thing,
An event , that opened their eyes
It happened in May, on a cool, rainy day
(Sometimes joy can be pain in disguise.)
Randy's friend came to play, and he stayed the whole day,
He and Jim had a wonderful time
When all of a sudden Jim got up to leave,
And started to say his "good byes".
It was getting near night, his friend Jim was polite
But he finally had to say,
"My dad said come home when it starts to get dark
So I'll have to be on my way.”
He left Randy there at the top of the stairs,
Then much to Jim's surprise;
He heard Randy crying, saw a few toys go flying
He just couldn't believe his eyes.
"Oh, let him go home!" Randy screamed all alone,
"I'll be sad and unhappy... who cares!"
Randy didn't know, that his dad was at home,
And heard the whole thing from downstairs.
His dad's heart was grieved, he just couldn't believe
Randy's awful behavior that day
He wanted to talk, so they went for a walk,
And discovered some things on the way.
Randy spoke first, "Jim's dad is the worst,
Who could have a daddy so mean!
I know if I said I wanted to stay,
You'd never make me have to leave!"
His dad then thought back on his own early years,
His father was tender, but tough;
And seemed to be able to balance the two—
Could it be that just love's not enough?
That's when it came clear, who was at fault here,
And Randy was not to blame
As hard as it was to admit to himself
He didn't raise Randy the same.
He turned to his son and regretfully said,
"I've done an injustice to you
By letting you go, never telling you 'no'
But now I see what to do
I was brought up to mind my own dad,
And I knew he loved me so
But there were many times, in love, He had to tell me 'no'!
Now there were tears, but through the years
A bond between us grew;
I'd like to think that someday
You'll say the same of me and you!
I love you so much, but love needs to be tough,
And I should be teaching you how
To handle yourself when faced with a 'no'
Do you think we could start over now?"
Randy thought long on all that was said,
And one thing he did know for sure;
That someday he wanted to be like his dad
He smiled and said, "Yes, Sir".
As they walked home, on that memorable night,
A father and son at their best;
They talked of the lessons of love in a "No",
That you'll never receive in a "Yes".
Copyright © 2004 by Jeannie Veltz
Wednesday, June 2, 2010
On Amma's B'Day
As another year of our togetherness begins,
Amma, I stand back and look at us;
Wondering at how soon life passes
and we are knit with memorable threads!
Though one fine day you came home
to see me formally,
I know, I had known some things
about you, prior to that.
Your son had given me
an image of you that overflows with love
and still, chooses to let free
those she loves!
At times, when I used to wonder
If you would be able to give me
your love, naturally, the way its given
to all your other children,
including my dear co-sis;
it was comforting to know,
your son had no such doubts.
He was always so sure
of your un-ending compassion,
that he drove away my fears
about complete acceptance,
as soon as they surfaced.
Of course, I still had
my own side of exploration...
From the first time I met you,
and you asked me, how would I like,
to be called.....The feeling I felt then, Amma,
to be asked so caringly,
made me feel one with the family.
Then, there were many other instances too.
Before I could show to you,
that I will do all I can
to keep the happiness and love
in the family intact....
you showered me with genuine affection!!!
If we thought your sons
love you so much b'coz they are yours,
My regards for you unknowingly increased
to see the bonding between bhabhi and you.
I knew it then, somewhere, deep within,
soon, I will be the child of the mother,
my hubby calls his own!
I can't pen down all the treasures
knowing you and being with you
have brought along.....
The one that makes me go emotional
anytime even today,
is the voice of love I heard
when we spoke first after Sahil's birth!
Do you remember, Amma?
You had cried for my pain!
I had fallen in love, all over again,
with my hubby, for him being your son!
That's how you are Amma.
Sweet, Caring, Loving
without hesitating....
gentle in your own way.
I have thought many times
to let you know all this
and much more....
but every time, we are together,
we are busy making new memories!
Only one last thing...
Please teach me, to be the mum
You have been, dear Amma.
Ajj Din Chadheya - Translation
A friend of mine had requested for a translation of the "Ajj Din Chadheya" song from "Love Aaj Kal" movie. I loved to do the translation and thought of adding it here for my other friends. Enjoy!
Love Aaj Kal – (2009)
Music Director: Pritam Chakraborty
Director: Imtiaz Ali
Lyrics: Irshad Kamil
Starring: Saif Ali Khan, Deepika Padukone
Song Title: Ajj Din Chadheya
Tere rang varga ---------- In your color (God is supposed to be very bright, luminescent)
Ajj din chadheya ---------- Today, the day has come out
Tere rang varga ---------- In your color
Phul sa hai khila aaj din ---- the day has blossomed like a flower
Rabba mere din yeh na dhale ----- God, my days do not see a sunset (In the sense, when day ends, my pain doesn’t)
Woh jo mujhe khwab mein mile ---- the one whom meets me in my dreams
Use tu lagade ab gale --------------- you make me hug her (make her mine)
Tenu dil da vaasta ------------------ Am binding you with my heart’s yearning (The singer treats God like a friend/savior – so, its like – if you want my heart to keep beating…)
Rabba aaya dar digaar ke ------ God, I have come to your door (here I have a doubt, I think he says “dar pay pyaar key” – which would mean, at the lover’s door)
Sara jahan chod chaad ke ------ I have left the entire world (as only the loved one matters)
Mere sapne sawar de ---------- Make my dreams beautiful (make them real)
Tenu dil da vasta --------------- Am binding you with my heart’s yearning…
Ajj din chadheya ------- Today, the day has come out
Tere rang varga -------- In your color
Baksha gunaho ko -------- You have forgiven the sins
Sun ke duwao ko ---------- by listening to prayers (spoken by sinners)
Rabba pyaar hai ----------- God, love is
Tune sab ko hi de diya ----- What you have given to everyone
Meri bhi aahon ko ---------- To my sighs too (listen to my sighs)
Sun le duwao ko ----------- listen to my prayers
Mujhko woh dila maine jisko hai dil diya ---- Give me the one to whom I have given my heart…
Aas voh pyaas voh usko de itna bata ----- She is my hope, my thirst; please tell her just this
Woh jo mujhko dekh ke hase ------------ the one who laughs on seeing me
Pana chahun raat din jise ----------------- whom I want to make mine day and night
Rabba mere naam kar use ---------------- God, assign her to me! :)
Tenu dil da vasta ------------------------- Am binding you with my heart’s yearning…
Ajj din chadheya
Tere rang varga
Maanga jo mera hai ------------------------- I have asked you what is mine
Jaata kya tera hai ---------------------------- What do you stand to lose?
Maine kaun si tujhse jannat maang li ---------- I have not asked you for the paradise (in the sense, paradise is yours, am not asking that)
Kaisa khuda hai tu --------------------------- What kind of a God are you?
Bas naam ka hai tu --------------------------- You might be only a name afterall
Rabba jo teri itni si bhi na chali ----------- if YOU can not even deliver my asking! (In the sense, your specialty is in doing what mortals can not)
Chahiye jo mujhe -------------- What I desire
Kar de tu mujhko ata ---------- you please handover to me
Jeeti rahe saltanat teri ---------- May your lineage rejoice
Jeeti rahe ashiqui meri ---------- May my love rejoice
Dede mujhe zindagi meri -------- Give me my life to me….
Tenu dil da vasta ---------------- Am binding you with my heart’s yearning…
Rabba mere din yeh na dhale
Woh jo mujhe khwab mein mile
Use tu lagade ab gale
Tenu dil da vasta
Rabba aaya dar pay yaar ke
Sara jahan chod chad ke
Mere sapne sawar de
Tenu dil da vasta
Ajj din chadheya
Tere rang varga
Ajj din chadheya
Tere rang vargaaaa…
Ajj din chadheya
Tere rang vargaaa..
Din chadheyaaaa..
Note: Let me know if you need me to translate any other song... I would love to do it! :)
Music Director: Pritam Chakraborty
Director: Imtiaz Ali
Lyrics: Irshad Kamil
Starring: Saif Ali Khan, Deepika Padukone
Song Title: Ajj Din Chadheya
Ajj Din Chadheya
Ajj din chadheya --------- Today, the day has come outTere rang varga ---------- In your color (God is supposed to be very bright, luminescent)
Ajj din chadheya ---------- Today, the day has come out
Tere rang varga ---------- In your color
Phul sa hai khila aaj din ---- the day has blossomed like a flower
Rabba mere din yeh na dhale ----- God, my days do not see a sunset (In the sense, when day ends, my pain doesn’t)
Woh jo mujhe khwab mein mile ---- the one whom meets me in my dreams
Use tu lagade ab gale --------------- you make me hug her (make her mine)
Tenu dil da vaasta ------------------ Am binding you with my heart’s yearning (The singer treats God like a friend/savior – so, its like – if you want my heart to keep beating…)
Rabba aaya dar digaar ke ------ God, I have come to your door (here I have a doubt, I think he says “dar pay pyaar key” – which would mean, at the lover’s door)
Sara jahan chod chaad ke ------ I have left the entire world (as only the loved one matters)
Mere sapne sawar de ---------- Make my dreams beautiful (make them real)
Tenu dil da vasta --------------- Am binding you with my heart’s yearning…
Ajj din chadheya ------- Today, the day has come out
Tere rang varga -------- In your color
Baksha gunaho ko -------- You have forgiven the sins
Sun ke duwao ko ---------- by listening to prayers (spoken by sinners)
Rabba pyaar hai ----------- God, love is
Tune sab ko hi de diya ----- What you have given to everyone
Meri bhi aahon ko ---------- To my sighs too (listen to my sighs)
Sun le duwao ko ----------- listen to my prayers
Mujhko woh dila maine jisko hai dil diya ---- Give me the one to whom I have given my heart…
Aas voh pyaas voh usko de itna bata ----- She is my hope, my thirst; please tell her just this
Woh jo mujhko dekh ke hase ------------ the one who laughs on seeing me
Pana chahun raat din jise ----------------- whom I want to make mine day and night
Rabba mere naam kar use ---------------- God, assign her to me! :)
Tenu dil da vasta ------------------------- Am binding you with my heart’s yearning…
Ajj din chadheya
Tere rang varga
Maanga jo mera hai ------------------------- I have asked you what is mine
Jaata kya tera hai ---------------------------- What do you stand to lose?
Maine kaun si tujhse jannat maang li ---------- I have not asked you for the paradise (in the sense, paradise is yours, am not asking that)
Kaisa khuda hai tu --------------------------- What kind of a God are you?
Bas naam ka hai tu --------------------------- You might be only a name afterall
Rabba jo teri itni si bhi na chali ----------- if YOU can not even deliver my asking! (In the sense, your specialty is in doing what mortals can not)
Chahiye jo mujhe -------------- What I desire
Kar de tu mujhko ata ---------- you please handover to me
Jeeti rahe saltanat teri ---------- May your lineage rejoice
Jeeti rahe ashiqui meri ---------- May my love rejoice
Dede mujhe zindagi meri -------- Give me my life to me….
Tenu dil da vasta ---------------- Am binding you with my heart’s yearning…
Rabba mere din yeh na dhale
Woh jo mujhe khwab mein mile
Use tu lagade ab gale
Tenu dil da vasta
Rabba aaya dar pay yaar ke
Sara jahan chod chad ke
Mere sapne sawar de
Tenu dil da vasta
Ajj din chadheya
Tere rang varga
Ajj din chadheya
Tere rang vargaaaa…
Ajj din chadheya
Tere rang vargaaa..
Din chadheyaaaa..
Note: Let me know if you need me to translate any other song... I would love to do it! :)
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