Some of Our Chats

Long pending update. :) Here are some of the chats between my little fellow and his mom (me!)

White Shoes:

S: Mumma, today white trousers and white shoessss?
M: Yes shona.
S: Why, mumma?
M: Its Monday na today, that's y.
S: Oh, okay. Then, tomomorrow? (yeah, that's how he says tomorrow!)
M: Tomorrow, you will wear blue shorts and black shoes.
S: How do you know, mumma? (Does he think I don't have a brain? ;))
M: Shonu, it's Tuesday na tomorrow, that's y.
S: Oh okay. How do you know, Tuesday tomomorrow?
M: Shonuuu! Today is Monday, then Tuesday, Wednesday,Thursday, Friday,Saturday, Sunday and again Monday will come. That's how days are.
S: Okay mumma. (little silently this time, I end up thinking, did I react little strongly to the last question!?!)

Without a minute's pause, S: Why it is Monday today? :-)

Can you answer why a day is what day it is!??!

While playing with his dad:

S: Mumma, papa is pushinggg meeeee.
M: Why shonu? what happened?
S: I don't know.
M: What did you do? Why is papa pushing you?
S: I did not do yennything ('anything'). Papa is simpleee pushing me.
M: Papa is simply pushing you? Wait, I'll ask Papa why he is pushing you.
J: We are playing. (No justification, just facts!)
S: No mumma. When we playing know, I pushed papa. Then, papa pushing me nicely. I not playing with papa, but papa is simply pushing me. (---Am thinking --- Means, so long as he is winning, it's all okay? When he begins to get pushed, he isn't playing anymore! I have to instill the importance of playing - not just winning...)
M: :-) Okay, don't play. You come to the kitchen with me.
J: Good.
S: Not good papa. Come, let's fight.
M: I am going to the kitchen. If you get hurt again don't come crying to me. Okay?
S: Okay. I not cry. I am big boy know. I fight with papa. See. I am strong. Come papa. Let's fight. See my musssels (muscles)! (provokes for fighting! true ninja!)

The nonsense fun continues. :-)

While eating food

S: I don't want more mumma. My stomach is full. Touch and see.
M: Little more shonu. Last time?
S: I aten (ate + en = past tense of eaten) fully mumma.
M: :-) Okay.

After 5 minutes:
S: Mumma, give me more food mumma. When I finish my food know, papa is going to give me something special.
M: Hmm, okay. You will become big and strong also...when you finish your food.
S: I am big and strong mumma. I am dinking complan everyday. Yessss. (by the time I am publishing this, he says drinking properly.)

On passing by Naani's Ex-house:

S: We not going to naani's house?
M: Saku, I told you, naani is staying with us now, right? So we will go to our house.
S: Somebody is there in naani house? Tell me mumma. (He partly remembers what I had explained the last time he had asked me this question.)
M: Yes shonu. Now, someone else is staying in naani's house. So, we can't go and stay there.
S: Oh okay. Why mumma?
M: What 'why' sahil? I told you na, the house-owner has asked someone else to stay there.
S: Oh okay, that's why naani staying in our house?
M: yes saku.Now our house is naani's house also.
S: Oh okay. That is papa's house alcho. Correct mumma?
M: My darling baby. yes. It's everyone's house.
S: but ajay, nikhil, debbie not staying in our house. correct mumma? (I feel like screaming.... the other kids at creche stay in their houses, why will they stay in ours!!?!)

Making a Date!

Okay, enough of this/that/these/those (yeah, that's been my son's English portion, but I am not talking about that!)... :) I mean, I am making a date tonight with my blog and that's exactly I am going to remain awake to do!

Office work has been hectic and yeah, some interesting personal commitments too...topped with sahil/jeshee dear falling sick lately. Imagine, last entry was on Apr29! I feel so bad, don't want to let go of so many things that have happened in the last 3-5 months! :((((

So, here it is. :) I will be back online tonight, just hold on...

How to vote for my entry!!!

Okay Guys, some of you have been wondering how to vote for my article (either because U have read and liked my article or simply!) .... :-) here's the link:

Link for Voting:
http://indusladies.com/partners/poll.php

Link to all entries:
http://www.indusladies.com/forums/blogs/phoenixritu/thank-you-so-much-people-1850/

Angels Awaited...

My entry for the "Mother's Day Blog Contest" ...

What has becoming a mother done to me? How exciting it felt, when I was going to be a mother? How incredible it was to hear the heartbeat of my baby within me, for the first time? How joyful were those months while we and my body prepared to bring home the baby? How touching it was to touch tenderly the little new-born? What a roller-coaster ride it has been ever since? How does it feel, to be a mother? How difficult and emotional it is, to become a mother? How different it is, to feel as a mother all the time? All these questions can make so many of us write pages and pages on our own individual feelings and also, the collective emotions. Against all this, a sad recent thought, lingers on these days. Where are we heading? How tough it is becoming, to become a mother?

It’s only on becoming a mother though; several new feelings have come to the fore. Besides becoming a mother itself being an overwhelming experience, being a mother has taught me several things already and the experience seems forever enriching. The tender feelings I feel as a mother, while being precarious for my child, have powered my thoughts on several other mothers of different generations.

I am able to feel much more strongly than ever before, about the mothers who were and are even now, never offered a choice. Whether it was about starting a family, about keeping the numbers low or even about being able to add years between the kids. Don’t we all know how strong the societal pressures have been for generations, to beget a son? Just like an heir to a throne!

In all we value about being mothers, there are so many moments of realization. Doesn’t it create an unknown bonding when we come across someone who is on her way to becoming a mother? Women looking slightly pot-bellied have a charm of their own. We, who have successfully crossed the bridge and moved into motherhood, feel happy for such on-the-way ones. A smile between women, says it all.

Sadly, just around the corner are few other women, who are just waiting. Waiting, in the hope that soon their tests would turn positive too. They too, would have the joy of feeling a life blossoming within and hold one of their own, close to their hearts. They are the dream mothers - women, who are waiting to be entrusted with the promise of bringing a life into the world. My heart goes out to all such women, who long to hold a baby of their own.

In today's fast life, where almost everything is becoming 'planned', God seems to have chosen to remind us mortals that - we are not in control of everything! Yes, a majority of us can and do 'Plan' - to marry, to opt for a career and eventually, start a family. Somehow, somewhere along the plans, someone seems to have spilt some oil on the floor. For some of us, the natural act of childbearing seems to be becoming fruitless.

To a large extent, the essence of motherhood starts with the acknowledgement of a life blossoming within. A decade or so ago, it would seem troublesome if one out of twenty married women neighbors didn't bear a child within the first two years. Times have changed for the worse. It is becoming more and more painful and common to witness the other side getting crowded. With late marriages, successful careers, unhealthy eating habits, intentional waiting period coupled with unexplainable reasons - some of the women seem to be paying the price too high already.

Most touchy are the cases where the cause of infertility isn't clear and the wait seems to be endless. How can you cure something when you don't even know why and what of the situation? How long can you wait patiently, maintain your temperament, in the hope that maybe, next cycle, results would turn positive?

Trust me, most of these are very strong women and are plunging headlong to set right the wrongs.

I am aware of some of my friends trying to wade through this torture. Few have given up their careers, in the hope that treatment and low-pressure will work soon. Others are trying to absorb the medical analysis/treatment into their routine as if it’s just another slice of life... I see some others, tired of the long wait and now looking at adoptions as the last resort. Some of us may be quick to say, "Well, maybe, adoption is the way to go." But having had the joy of carrying my little one within me and having brought him into this world, I do feel compassionate towards their natural loss.

Of course, there is no stopping to 'feeling like a mother', even if your child is not yours biologically. So long as there is love in the heart, warmth in the hug and care in the bonding; many women will find kids to love. This mother's day, being a mother, I am hoping for a miracle in their lives and join my hands to pray for them and theirs-to-be.

Voted

Recent Melody of My Pied Piper

1. Good Night Guys - While I was in US, saku announced one night to his dad - "Good Night Guys". with a smile. Jeshee was pleasantly surprised as that is his way of switching himself off!! :-)
2. Ammmama....annamaaa - One fine day, saku kept calling me as "Ammamaa" and "Annnamaaa". Thats the way he addresses his Grandmother and GreatGrandmother!
3. Gifthh - aeroplane and gifthhh
4. Laptop for meeeeee??
5. Cart-wheel Trials
6. Ajay "dous" instead of does. (do + esss)
7. The "Why" man - "why we going on mum's bike?", "why papa not dropping me to school?", "why we staying in naaani house?", "why you missed me when you gone in the US?", "why khushi didi not staying in my house?", "why we going in the big van?".
8. I went in the Taxi know, I take you now in Taxi. Yesss, seriously.
9. I want to eat Vegeeetable. Ladies finger only.
10. One day, one day papa know, take me to d beach know, one doggy coming near papa. Then know, papa walking fast. After chumtime know, sahil ask papa, "why papa walking fast?".
11. Understands jokes! - washing the bathroom; broom hanging - witch house?
12. mimics my laugh as taught by his dad!! (hehahaha)
13. lather, loofah and fun!
14. He tries to lift his eye upper lid and all that!!!!! He doesnt get it right yet...but wonder who taught him that at crechei am trying my best to stop him.
15. Like on opening fridge he says, "mummy, when I small know, I not can open the fridge, Yesss, I not can do. Now I open the fridge know. I am big boy now."
16. The other day in park, he went (climbed and came down) a high arched circular hanging mettalic exercise type swing and I was - flabbergasted at all that my son could do, all by
himself!! Thanks to the Monkey Genes in him? ;-)

New Year - Bidding Farewell to 2008...

This has been the year when....
1. My son turned 3.
:-)2. My son started proper school - St. John's - LKG B (his Pre-Kg lasted 5 months).
3. My bro shifted to Qatar.
4. My hubby got PMP certified.
5. I made my first trip to US (minus family!)
6. Some lessons learnt regarding bonding with people.
7. My mum vacated her home (year end).
8. I started blogging about my father and on Tech Writing (lots to add as content though).
9. My younger sis confirmed her good news. :-)))
10. I changed my job for a career :-) finally (or so I think until now....)
11. My Bro-in-law and family moved to Riyadh.
12. I met Bill in US. :-)
13. I met and stayed with our friend and ex-colleague Malar and her hubby Bahu at US.
14. I sent out the maid who was taking my patience for granted and struggled happily for almost 3 months!
15. I understood, in life, when you take steps to work at something, you can only Improve yourself. Its the commitment and willingness to do more, that must keep you
going.
16. My son started writing - even when I wasn't holding his palm. (Dec time frame)
17. I got myself a smart frame (for my glasses) as Sahil had broken a good one when he was very small and I didn't want to invest in something expensive again - until this year - when hubby insisted!
18. I broke my old mobile by mistake - and got a nice one - with camera - as surprise.
19. We got a Calendar of family photos done for my in-laws. :-)
20. I stayed with my mother latter part of the year and my son enjoyed having his Maamu staying close to our home.
21. My bike completed its 1st anniversary!
22. Many times, sahil slept off on our way home on my bike! and his Maamu or dad or both came to our rescue. :-)

More Things to Jot Down

* Mum as story-teller
* When will be my Happy Bday?
* Frustration - 11Dec08 - unable to pull his pants up by himself!
* Big know - now I can open the fridge.
* we not going to papa house? Nani house only?
* Waheyguru - satnam* Meray betay ko big and strong bana do.
* When I make sound like that know, big potty come.
Binoy Appan's Wedding
1. Flushing happiness
2. Button - becoming a master
3. Fall from the table :-(
Vacating Mum's Home
25Dec08
Didnt take saku for Santa seeing :-((( More of a disappointment for me than for him.
1. Belti - means -
2. Nani- so sweet of u
3. Repeating forbidden habit- never-ending "last" for everything!
4. Calling deepi masi/meenu masi as amy masi, when corrected, asks,"then, whoisamymasi?"
2007
1. Sahil started Pre-Kg in October. :-) 2. Was it in 2007 Dec that we went to Pondy?

Wishlist for 09

1. More Family holidays (just the 3 of us) - jungle safaris etc.
2. More achievements - professionally.
3. Professionally learn - Glass Painting.
4. Exercise - routinely.
5. Practise writing more with Sahil. :-)
6. Create a family album.
7. Sort the paper clutter routinely. :-)
8. Complete long pending tasks (~)
9. Update blog more often. (Record life as it passes)
10. Take time out - for more adventurous/fun-filled activities.
11. Take Sahil cycling regularly.

What was that, about Satyam, pardon?

Yeah, I know, its been the hottest and most-boiling topic of all discussions last 3 days now. How, Why and What is all clear, except - where from here. What bothers me?
Well, having been with Satyam (and having considered working there one of the best times of all my work-experiences...) I feel, its a very grave situation. More importantly, my hubby is with Satyam. So, any stone-hurled at Satyam, causes concern to both of us.

No doubt, like everyone else, we have been shell-shocked with the startling revelations and the aftermath has just begun. Last night (back then when saga unfolded), we watched a channel where a student who had an offer-letter from Satyam was wondering about his chances. :-( I was thinking, about those who have put in their hard-work/time/energy/effort/life for long (including hubby).... Nah, it won't be the truth if I said, "am not worried". I know, its becoming more or less an economic imbalance and somehow or the other, some solution (probably merger, acquisition, take-over....call it what you may) - will take care of some part of the problem. What then? Obviously, not all 52000 odd employees are going to be absorbed (those not on bench are now on same edgy feeling as those on bench)... and not all existing clients are going to be able
to keep the faith. In what? :-(

Well, what's in store will be clear as time passes. As some channels reported, most of the "let me see if I can get a job before I am asked to leave mine" mind-sets have already fuelled the job portals. What that can do in reverse is - to enable offers much lesser than achievments already made (in terms of pay packages - please don't forget the EMIs!!!!) or make a "parking lot" of the over-available lot while things simmer.

As it is, with recession in, there was an insecurity and people were beginning to "cut down" on extras. Now, with a pool of employable-talents waiting to be made-to-feel-secured, what is to be expected?...

So long as the work-layer continues at Satyam offices, something will come through soon. Blames and excuses, names and games will continue to flood the channels...but who gets impacted to what degree, remains to be seen. Until then, there's only hope of a better tomorrow...
**********
Jan13: Govt has set its own board, to iron out issues at Satyam. My hubby's client has visited them - confidence building. Some signs of improvement...
Recently: Govt. first declared (atleast some channels reported that) it would support Satyam with a Bailout for 2000 Cr. (that might suffice salaries for employees for next 4 months).
Now, that step has been retraced as Govt. adds more board members and re-assessing Satyam; there may be manageable recievables of 1700 Cr by Satyam. PWC says it 'trusted' Satyam's paperwork...
Things may improve. Not the right time for market to poach employees or clients, so everyone is waiting and watching ........
20Feb09
There was speculation about Jan salaries, thankfully, those came through. One hurdle crossed - by the new management in charge now. Doubts exist still in the minds of all, irrespective of the open-communication to some extent within the organization. Everyone is hoping for stability and security to replace the "what-may-happen-is-a-question" feeling.
********
Perfect article - satyam and lies - what a prespective!http://ibnlive.in.com/blogs/ahmedalishaik/2200/53151/satyam-scam--politics-media--lies.html

More to Note

Jan 22 09
There is total sync between what Ithink and what Isay. Thats why, I say without delay. :-)
05Feb09
1. Engagement details - pankaj bhaiya (and saku details)
2. US trip - you are goingto cleannn meee?
3. soaps and prices!

24-Feb-09 - Sahil and a Complaint

Two weeks ago, I was complaining about my son's classmate who hit him. :-( Today, someone has told me that my son hits his daughter in the class sometimes! I do not know what to say. Am I more embarrased than angry? Maybe. I am not angry, actually. I am beginning to get concerned, what makes my son hit someone in his class? I have asked the father to find out instances for which my son has displayed anger. I have known my little one to be naughty yes, but, not violent so far. Well, he does playfully fight with his dad, but don't all 4 year old boys do that?? Hmm... maybe I am overreacting. Its afterall "a normal thing" and my son will "outgrow" his "display of strength" soon. But yeah, I don't want to and nor will, leave it unattended. I will speak to him and find out, what happened. Why am I like this man! But, see, the conversation
that I/Saku and then Hubby/Saku and We/Saku had. It was another learning experience in Child-Management!
(Read Tantrum/Truth/Kid/School/Fight/Tell/Beat/Snacks/Maam tags into it!)
*****
Me: Sahil, beta do u fight with anyone in ur class?
saku: no mamma.
me: are you sure, u did not fight with anybodddy in school?
saku: no mumma. I not fight with anybooodyyy.
me: okay. somone was telling me you are fighting sometimes.
saku: who was telling mumma? I not fight, am telling you know. I not talk to you.
Me: Oh, dont be upset saku, am just asking. I want you to tell me the truth, beta.
Saku: am telling truth only. I not talk to you.

*** I break the conversation and lead it to other fun things...before I start again.
Me:
To be continued...

3-Mar-09 - Amy is a Mum Today...

Amy's baby is born!!! Longing to touch and hold the new little one and welcome her into the family. family. oh... am missing my father while I think of amy's baby.

11-Mar-09 - Holi

My Thots on 11Mar09 and snaps of same evening

What the heck? How long am I going to keep postponing my appointment with my blog?
:-( scribbles here and scribbles there... but none that speak of how fast life is running past us and "we" are losing some of the "we" that we used to be!
The first quarter of this year is round the corner and well... my blog is yet to see the "Happy New Year" post! :-( Shame on me. Whom am I kidding that I am busy-busy-busy bee??
I don't want to be this busy that I forget or overlook what I don't want to leave behind. Grrrrrrrrrrr.... I am posting all that I have scribbled lately and then, when time permits... No. When I MAKE TIME for adding explanations to my scribbles, I will do so. :-)

Am feeling sad that this day used to be one of the most fun-filled once upon a time... especially during school. Colours never cost as much as sparklers, so I guess, it was more welcome a festival than Diwali. hehe. :-)
Water balloons! I have to do it with my son, Man! Okay, am buying colours and picking my little one and am going to wait for hubby to join us in the fun, when he gets home. No more - I wish we would celebrate holi like I used to. :-)) If not today, then when? This year too would pass...soon. My dear son - Colours/Water/Balloons/Fun/Young Feeling ... here we come. :-)

Will this color go, mamma?

Anyway, who cares?

Yeah...it was fun!!!

Scribbles - On Mumbai and More...1Dec08 and 3Dec08

3Dec08

1. Hereafter, once again just like how it was earlier...

will jot down what comes and what I wish to retain

in my mind's eye!

2. My son says,"Mumma I not can write"...

Because he is over-comfortable

with his palm encased within mine,

while he tries to form the letters and numbers.

Small Palm encased in mine

3. I am making him overcome
his so-called-fears and inhibitions...
he is picking on, learning.
He notices when I remove my palm
and he stops letter-forming.
Repeats - "Mummy, Sahil not can write."

4. I know it, deep within
so does he.
He can and yes, while I hold the palm
its he who is writing.
I am building his confidence
each day, when with conviction I say -
"Sahil, wow! see ... what you wrote,
so beautifully!"
I have to make him see, something that doesn't exist completely...
for him to be able to get motivated
and complete the "forming".

5. Yesterday and day-before
I have been stumped.
He has taken the pencil
formed some letters and shown me.
Am I Glad!?!
I am Overjoyed.

6. Last weekend, two note-books I bought.
Want to see the progress the little one makes...
as I help him learn to write independently.
Had a thot - "More lessons learnt than taught".

7. For small letter 'f',
We make a game.
Draw a T shirt, then a pant
and then, put a belt!

8. When saku announces d is b,
I have the Taaray Zameen Par
frisking infront of me.
As a consolation, he realises his mistake
and puts me at ease.

9. Luckily, someone told me,
all children make funny connections
when they learn letters and numbers.
No wonder, his 2 looks like a duck!

10. Suddenly, he announces after dinner -
"Mumma, let's have some fruit."I am suprised and happy
for little fellow remembering a healthy habit...
I am soon reminded, all he wants
is some more time before sleep - to remain a brute!

1 Dec 08

1. Yeah. I have forgotten...
wat it felt to write
what comes to the mind.......
as I try to 'sift' my thots!

2. Strange. Only when mind is blank
there seems to be so much
pending that needs to be drowned
in the inkpot....
paper seems to be flying!

3. What is it that I thot I would pen down now?
Is it becoz I worked hard today
I seem to be getting back to the track!?!

4. Last month ended yesterday.
Thank God!
Wonder what caused so much pain
so much trouble...at time felt total loss of control...
Now getting back to usual...seem like a Bliss!

5. What have the Mumbai attacks done to me?
I don't know. The pain, senseless-ness,
so much of emotional turmoil and yet
I somehow want to put it all behind.

Their loss, reminds me of mine...
different reasons, different times...
still...pain is what unites.

6. Why cant someone put a stop to all this and more...
that comes to my mind?
Where are we heading with this mindless blood-shed?

7. Sometime back, I recall now...I read..
how when a small boy tried giving a fallen bag...
to the bike-fellows....he lost his life in that good act!
I felt horrible then....feel the same now.

8. How do we identify and keep the attackers at bay?
Where is there any security?
How come, each-time something sad happens,
so many of us feel sad, but then, move on???
Is it just okay to feel sorry and move on?
What should I do? I am lost again...
as I have my own home to take care of...
Mine are mine while I am also alive only.....
:-(

9. My dear son asks me why I am watching
a burning building with rapt attention...
What can I do dear one?
I am wondering...how much more we are to witness....

10. I miss being fearless.
I miss being careless.
I miss being happy.
Yes, matter of time, I would soon be fine again.
What about those for whom lots has changed...
for no fault of theirs?

11. Whose resignation would make what difference?
How do we identify the killers?
What can be done to catch the offender before the offence?
But Pappu Can't Catch Sala...........

Children's Day Update

As mum told my bro, we made Saku Hanuman again on sunday (a year later this time); he was little taller. That was the only difference from last time. He got 2nd place for Fancy dress for Children's Day celebrations of Journalist Colony.

Sahil Hanuman On Stage

Hanuman Ramp Walking

Posing With Mum - 1

Posing with Mum - 2

Had enrolled him for rhymes as well. Had made him practice One Two Buckle my shoe....and when he got the mike in his hand, he started, "Baa Baa Black Sheep...." Good thing was, he said that from start to end, without any problems. But we felt v funny that he didnt sing what rhyme he was prepared for, but something else that came to his head.

I was glad, he did this. He can do this only so long as he is a kiddo. Isn't it? :-)))

Over-Independent Times!

I watch my little fellow try to be the "Big Boy" he longs to be.

His Shirt Button frustration, T shirt stuck in neck irritation, both legs in one side trouble, self-removal and success at that - wants to display the newly-acquired skills!!

Wants to wear the socks by himself, wears the bag and goes down stairs - refusing to let me help or hold his hand...., sits on the bike by himself - sometimes even before I sit!

Best is - When he is frustrated, he says, I want to be a baby. :-))

Images from My Onsite Trip

Lost at the Bay

Flowers
The Wet Path...

Hotel - Full Shot

Flowers Again...

Things I Know Were Wonderful

1. The Hotel room/Heater/Iron/kitchen (a home away from home in a way. It was even called the "Homewood Suites"!!)
2. Having a nice colleague from the same place (office) as a companion (whom I could relate to if I felt lost!)
3. The longing to return where I belong (this was a nice feeling as it reminded me of all the love I treasure and yet take for granted sometimes!)
4. Cooking rice in microwave, making papads as well!
5. My struggle for heating water, when I could have just taken the same from the tap!
6. The long walks in the evening (those were mind-refreshing as I always ended up thinking - this kind of day-ending relaxation is something we must bring back into our busy routine)
7. The Bay near the Hotel. I just loved the water stretch, though we could not go boating...watching the water morn and eve was itself nice.
8. Stay at Malar's place - This was even better than I had imagined! Felt just like family and forgot that we were ex-colleagues once upon a time! Not just Malar, her hubby Baks is a nice person to bond with and no wonder, they make as happy a couple as Jeshee and me. :-)) (yeah, am smiling!)
9. Cooking with Malar, shopping with them and best of all, Playing Poker with them and their friends!! My first time, though I wished we had more time for that again! Moreover, I won but they say, Poker is a Beginner's Game. The Beginner always wins!! Hehee. :-) We were talking about betting 5$ each and I suggested we start with 5 Rupees. (We didn't eventually bet money....) When I won, I wished we had bet Dollars!
10. Team Lunch and another Team Lunch as Offsite with just the Doc Team - Ted, Kavitha and Me. I just wish, we had a much longer time to just while away :-)))
11. My Lunch Outing with Bill (my ex-manager). We chatted for almost 3 hours and it was very nice. :-))
12. How could I forget this??? When I went out with my friends for Dinner, we witnessed a cute young fellow proposing to his fresh-looking girl friend and the entire episode was so lovely. The guy had got the "Will you marry me?" put into the Fortune Cookie that they had after dinner. :-)) The place was a cosy eat-out and it was a lovely experience to see the girl say, "yes, yes, yes!" slowly, hesitatingly and then so excitedly!! It was very obvious that both of them were happy to be starting out together out of the hotel. She showed around the ring he gifted her...and for a moment, I wished I could capture the scene. I didn't however. I was new to the place. We heard them say they will be married before a year. I only could wish them well... :-))
    

The Not-So-Good Times

1. Missing family - (esp Saku) - my baby without whom I haven't slept a single night since last 3 years 4 months.
2. Wanting to see/know/feel everything with both of them (J & S)
3. Imagining how Saku would behave at everything I could see.
4. Talking about Saku.
5. Feeling bad/glad entering hotel, leaving hotel, entering malar's place, leaving malar's place.
6. On way back, finding myself all alone in that BIG waiting hall!
7. The long shopping - time and effort.
8. Having to think for myself. :-)
9. Having lot of time to think many past things... and sometimes, doing too much of thinking especially when it was time to go for an outing and I chose to stay back.
10. My 7 a.m. Rush-around and being stuck in Office Lobby. Using Webex to send chat message about my location. :-( Attending the meeting (minus the audio) but waiting for someone to let me into the office.
11. The Iron Stand tucked away in a small compartment and me feeling like Mrs Bean while taking it out and dreading to put it back in!!
    
    
    

My Thoughts on My Trip

When I looked at old people travelling with great discomfort, conversing in a language that is new to them - in a way - though they are knowledgeable.. I was glad, I would not have to make my first trip abroad with trepidation - years later - if my son goes and settles beyond boundaries. :-)

The thought that also came was, why is this trip so important in itself? For me and mine. First, this is not just my achievement (and when did we start counting achievements on the basis of such trips?) - it is the collective shower of all that I have collected so far. I imagined the reactions of my Grandma if she were with us physically and ditto for my dad as well. Chachiji would have told me, "Hooon tu aidi dooor jaana hai, thoday dina di gul hai. Tu fikar na kar, sab changa hoyega." (Now you are due for a long travel, just a matter of few days though. You don't worry, everything will be fine.) I am sure, my father would have proudly presented my trip as his own achievement. It is, that way, an achievement. Today, his children are equally capable to make a mark in their own way... that would have been a consolation to papa. I know, and so, I wish, he was here physically to ride on my blessings. :-(

Then comes my mother. Maybe because she is so much a part of me that I don't think twice that this means to her. I know, she is overjoyed. She feels she has played her part and all her hard-work (the toiling away day-in and day-out) has benefitted to educate us to be able to go beyond the boundaries. :-)) Yes mom. You are not the only one who thinks that way.

Okay, so, the family would have been happy with my good-luck. What about the family I have created and bonded with last few years? My Inlaws - they have been preparing themselves and me to be able to take the whole thing in my stride. They worry, they fear, they console and they raise my confidence time and again.

They understand (my mother-in-law and my mother) how difficult it is emotionally for me to leave sahil behind, though only for a few days. They can relate to the feelings only as a mother can. They know, without me saying it that every single day, I have had moments of pain when I have longed to hold my little son. I too know, the joy of holding him close, would also remain only as long as little he remains. The time is precious and the moments lost pain. Inspite of this, I went ahead and explored, what is there for all of us to gain? I surprised myself again, and again. I missed my son sometimes more than I wanted to, however, I was able to regain my composure and carry on with all that needed to be done. Moreover, I found time and reasons to smile and be happy. :-)) Overall, I lived a different life for ten days. Funny, isn't it?...

The most important one, no, two... One my hubby and two my son. Both of them adjusted with each-other and with my absence so well, that I feel nice knowing that I can count on my hubby to take care of his lovingly; without making it an obligation on me!

Professionally, I was more than satisfied. First came the Lunch Outing with my ex-manager - Bill (William Jackson). It was the very first time I met him and it didn't feel like that. :-)) That's because of the way he makes one feel comfortable. Sad, but the truth is, while he was talking of his children, his oldest daughter being older to me...I could almost hear my dad in his worries. :-( But yeah, we discussed so many other things and we thought may be we would meet again before I came back. Somehow, I didn't even find time to call him again, while I was there. However, I have mailed him now that I am back and settled.

Then, there were my team mates. All of them whom I met for the first time. I can say, they were nice with us and the meetings were good too. Ted especially was very sweet throughout our trip. He had even called to ask if we wanted him to pick us up on Sunday for lunch. I had to refuse as I was meeting Bill then. But yeah, the gesture had made us feel nice. :-) Another thing that greatly amused me was Richard telling us about his "Dance Tough Time" when he had visited India. It seems he told himself to imagine he was exercising! :-))

Strawberry Yoghurt - I remember putting it across somewhere earlier in my blog, that I "thought" I could never like the "Strawberry" flavour. I proved myself wrong on this trip. :-) I have been pleasantly surprised to note that I can eat even the strawberry if I savour the taste beyond the tip of my tongue! It may sound silly but the fact is, the thought of flavoured yoghurt would earlier make me go yucky in my stomach. As a kid, I could never understand how my sisters enjoyed the "sugary curds"...but, looks like, after having enjoyed "strawberry yoghurt", I have outgrown the 'taste restriction' as well.

Fork and knife - Yeah, it may make the reader think I was a villager once upon a time! :-)) The fact is, though I know the right way of using the fork and knife; it doesn't come as second nature. Maybe, its the lack of practice. Anyways, finally, I can pride myself upon achieving a reasonable degree of comfort with this as well. I can pierce almost anything with a plastic knife too! :-)

Jet Airways - Am smiling as I write this. It was "Jet Airways" years ago - whose "Cabin Crew" Interview I failed. It amuses me to recall what I had told my father about the interview. I had told my parents - "There were girls with short skirts and long slits and there was me - long skirt and short slit. Obviously, I was not the right choice for the style icons!" Way back, thats one way cabin crew was looked at. Of course, it didn't take me too long to understand that the confidence I enacted way back wasn't half as I felt...during the interview. It was just "trying something" for me then...

Yeah, what I want to put down is - the flights were good, cabin crew was also good. :-) (You think they might offer me some free flights!?!) By the way, I did 3 Feedback forms throughout the journey and one of those was really detailed (as that was the only one where I didn't have to select one of the four options and I could write what I wanted to.)

Music and Movies - Had fun listening to the songs that we enjoy back at home. (Tum Se Hi/Pehli nazar...) and watched Jodha Akbar/Taaray Zameen Par during my flights.

Seeing an American dressed in a typical as an Indian - In an Indian Outfit (Rajasthani more likely) - I was thinking about wearing my "Journalist" hat and interviewing her. What I managed to do was, almost hear her talk about her life to another lady. Looks like her son is growing up in India/ she makes frequent trips / hopes to settle in India some day, when she can probably bear up the heat months!

Found another lady with a black mangalsutra, dressed in a western attire, acknowledging and binding in similarity with her. I could relate to them as well. Its something different when you step out of the boundaries and bind yourself with something else altogether. Being foreigners, married to Indian men, both these women were relating to each other on more than one ground. :-)

My Trip-related Scribbles

18-Oct-08
First time in 3 plus years,
First time in Saku's lifetime...
My small boy has grown
as my First Flight has flown!
*****
Will I be thinking of you?
You Two - today...
are my only thoughts!
*****
Child for me,
Big Boy for dad.
Child for my mum, still -
am always missing my own dad.
*****
Clouds seem like Cotton Fluffs
From the plane's window.
*****
Hopes floating with clouds,
Reality seeping in.
I am what I am,
Because of my kith and kin!
*****
Times like these, when I am overjoyed;
There comes an underlying sadness.
I wish, so much was accomplished papa...
when you were besides, just here with us.
*****
I console myself as I see
the clouds passing around,
feel closer to you today...
than ever on the ground!!
*****
The mind wanders
to make surreal connections,
all at once -
with my own self!
and with the strangers,
searching for a common ground?
*****
26th Oct:

Going forward forgetting what is Ours,
here I see, someone trying
to keep the connection alive...
Life seems strange? It is.
*****
As I leave the homeyou have made yours,
I have the - "I am going to miss"
miserable feeling!!
*****
Haven't even been here too long
to know - "I am going sadly"...
is it to do with different time zones?
or some bonding entirely?
*****
So much to see
so much to understand,
each experience seems intriguing
to the barren mind,
in a new land.

Remembering Little Things About My Trip

The things I want to write in detail about...having made my Onsite Trip. :-)) This is just a list to fuel my memory, incase it fades........

1. The Going away (How it was to leave my son)
2. How the Little One has been in my absence
3. Courtesy
4. Courtesy on road - the unavoidable comparison
5. My hotel (pics of my room) - (mrs bean and many other such thots)
6. My breakfast, lunch and dinner
7. My commute to office, the view from my onsite colleague's desk
8. Being a mom - though away (imagining responses/reactions, feeling emotional now and then, keeping the balance until I saw him again!)
9. The Homecoming
10. Just being me - Thinking and Thinking
11. The "unemployed hours"
12. Walks in the evening
13. The latest technological stuff and me! (microwave, dish-washer, stove, heater, iron, iPods!)
14. On the way - journey (sbi aunty, explorations of the kiosk, vomity me!)
15. Home Truths! (role-reversal learnings)
16. The Take-Aways
    

My Little Star

My dearmost Sahil. The Child who is very well-behaved for his age. Not much fussy, clean. :-)) Yet Playful and Daring like all other kids. His courage in Darkness and spirit of being fearless inspires me. He is observant and catches all the tiny details you may miss. Most loved is his unique style of repeating his parents actions or words - something that etches itself in the memory!

Dew Drops from Another World

Its strange, how you can suddenly feel removed from all that you held so close, by just moving physically away! Being miles away, of course emotional strain would find a place for itself. Stranger as it may seem, the new life has made everything until now, look like a story. I have this funny feeling that like a leaf, I have flown away with the wind and though I know I would be back near the roots where I belong... the feeling is very different from anything experienced so far.

Everything that I am noticing around me, having so much more time now just for myself as well... I am kind of feeling lost. :-( I don't feel out of place and that's good (so far) but then, why is there so much of a longing to just get where I was before this? Comfort? I don't know if Comfort is the right word. Familiarity? No. Togetherness? :-) Maybe.

More in the next post...there is so much to jot down. Most of it, I have already sent across back home, still, there is so much to savour in, just for myself. Its good that my son is taking it all in his stride (in a way, better than I am able to). This comfort shall help me survive! :-))

So, that said to myself, while I am here, am trying to make the most of it. New Place, New People, New Things, New Experiences, New Learnings. So far, nothing bad. Missing my father the most, coz I know what this would have meant to him. Seeing kids soar, does wonders to the parent's spirit, doesn't it? :-(

The thought that I had while on the plane - am closer to the clouds than ever before! When life has so much to give, why put in so much of thought? Go on Girl, the Journey will teach its lessons on the way.

My Biggg Boy's Huge Attitude

1. When asked if he would be able to stay with his dad alone, when mumma goes away for few days; Saku says, "No Promlem (problem). Sahil not cry. Sahil big boy know."

2. If sahil and I have had a disagreement, I must not be the one to say that I won't speak to him. He makes a face and says, "U not say, mumma. Sahil say, sahil not talk to you. Sahil not give you coloring alcho."

3. When he is about to jump from somewhere I fear is little too high, he still jumps. After landing without any broken bones and teeth, he tells me, "I not break my teeth. I not break my bones alcho. I not got blood alcho." :-) He is so happy to have had his way and also, having proved me wrong. I just console myself and say, "I am so happy, you didn't get hurt." Afterall, that's what matters right?

4. While preparing him for his First Terminal Exams, as I sit and point at the Pictures in the book, expecting him to identify them, Sahil announces - "Mumma, I am Ma'am. Give me bukk, I ask, you tell. okay?" Before I can react, he has the book and starts questioning. Best is, as I answer correctly, he acts as if he is happy with my answer and tells me, "Wait. Let me put TICK." and proceeds to act as if he is ticking the pictures I have answered :-)

5. Off late, between my change of job, I have been discussing about my ex-manager (SM) to my
hubby or mother. As I joined the new office, I asked Sahil that night, "Do you know what is the name of mummy's new office?" My son, puffing his chest as if he knows the right answer (I had told him the name sometime) tells me, "Yes, I know. Sanjay Mandal." I was amused with his quick response. :-)

6. The other night, while I was cutting Ladies Fingers for the next day's lunch, my son wanted to help me. As I don't allow him to independently hold the knife, he tried shifting the cut ladies finger into another bigger vessel kept aside. While transferring it off the cutting plate, I told him not to use his fingers. He picked the "cutting plate" and swooshed the vegetables into the vessel, announcing, "Crane taking kachra and putting it garbage lorry." :-) Mum and I were amused at his connection to Crane and Lorry. :-))

7. Having seen his dad keep his car sparkling clean at all times, on spotting a muddy car on the road, my son tells me, "Mumma see. That uncle not cleaning his car know. So dirty. Why mumma he not keep it clean?"

8. This one is too good. Sometimes, when I have had to speak to a colleague when I am at home with sahil, I have told him, 'its my Boss." to enforce his volume low and no disturbance discipline. The other day, he mimicks me so well - "Hello, yes, yes, okay, one minute." Then he turns towards me and says in a hushed tone, "Mumma, I am talking to my Boss. Please don't make noise." I burst out laughing and he adds authenticity to his admonishings by saying, "I told you know, I am talking on the phone." :-( I act as if I am sorry at my bad behaviour and put fingers on my mouth and watch him finish his so called Call. :-)

9. I am sure he does not know what "Boring" means. He stil used it when I was asking him to repeat writing certain alphabets. :-( If studies are boring at 3...what wud he be!?!

10. Found one way to make it interesting. I have told him, he can use color pencils to write letters or numbers in the rough note. :-)) He likes it temporarily.

11.I was hiding a second chocolate bar..and he tells me, "mumma, tell me truth." I gave in.
I explained, I was playing and not lying. Had tough time convincing him.

Bro Misses Sahil

The things my bro remembers, now that he is little away from saku...

1. When perplexed with something that anyone else (me and bro, me and mum, me and hubby) are discussing, Saku asks, "Wat Huppenedddd?" and is never satisfied until he hears the whole story two times!

2. Saku used to search for mamu soon after entering nani's home. Now that bro isn't there, but one day when he spotted the bike, he searched for his maamu. :-( Had tough time convincing him that mamu isn't there at home.

3. When talking of sharing something with his dad, he recalls, "ammaama, accchacha, mamu alcho". :-)

3 Full Days with Sahil

The long weekend seemed really long with my son acting kiddish and grown-up at will!

1. Bought a Study Board for him. More than using the chalk, my little one was eagerly waiting to use the duster. :-) Had a thot, how nice it would be if we all had a duster to wipe off sad memories too?

2. As my niece had met him just a week ago, we couldn't meet this week. The Rakhi that I tied to little fellow on her behalf, he chose to refer as "Watch". The one his dad wore, had a lovely small peacock.

3. As he passes a glass of juice to his father, he repeats my instructions to his dad! - "Papa, Oold it 'Carefully'."

4. Sahil was telling me, he wants to play with me by running from a distance and jumping at me. I was telling him, we will play that a little later. He suddenly looks at me with an attitude and says, "I am 'Serious'." I burst out laughing at his seriousness but he got what he wanted. :-)

5. Saturday morning, as I stood and watched TV, my son had the guts to question me - 'Mumma, why you watching TV? Why not Making fud for papa and me?" For a second, I wanted to take his class on me not being a cook but the Lady of the House. I then reminded myself, whatever I may be, its the role I play at different times that dictates the orders I get. :-) I gladly ensured that the little fellow and his dad help me with the so called 'making fud'.

6. After having 1/4th glass of Pepsi and one apple, Sahil complained of stomach pain. As I began to reproach the pepsi he had had, my son says, "Pepsi not making my stomach pain, apple itna saara khaya na (ate so much apple na), that's why my stomach paining." Don't worry, I ensure he gets v little of the bad stuff, that too v rarely. :-)

7. His new statements in anger - "I'll not take you cycling alcho. I will not give you coloring alcho."

Big Bazzar @ Vadapalani

Having been to Big Bazaar @ Banglore, I looked forward to a similar experience @ Vadapalani. Was worth it. :-)

Spent close to 4 hours there during the weekend. Good deals, good profits, good ambience and Good Quality. Guess thats the difference between the Saravana Stores that ruled the 'economic buyers' minds for sometime in Chennai now. Its the Quality of products thats catchy at Biz Bazzar.

Aug 15-16-17 being some 'Maha-Sale' days...got a lovely carpet for half its price... Besides good offers on Fruits, Juices, Towels, Bottoms for my son and other house-hold goodies. :-) The clean wash-rooms are an added advantage, esp. for families that come to shop with their kids. Well managed. Of course, some more pointers to the Wash Room would help.

Just one hitch - we had to wait and eventually hunt for a trolley. Probably BB must employ some help for taking the trolleys back from people leaving the shopping mall and hand-over to people entering the same.

My Rating - 9.5/10 :-)

Niketa Mehta and the God's Decision

The Creator has ruled against the Court. :-)

Niketa had a miscarriage few days ago. As earlier, many would have their own views and voices for/against the same...all said and done, as a parent, I can understand the relief the couple must be in now. Thank God.

Both ways its pain.
Emotional Strain.
Tearing the heart nowto avoid known bane.
Sadly though...,
Still being thought insane?

Just Before Rakhi - Weekend Updates

Met Khushi and Di last weekend. Khushi is my 6 year old niece. She is Sahil's elder sister.

1. Bro had got similar coloring books for both the kids. Sahil spoilt first 2 pages (partly) in his book and then, wanted to exchange his book with Khushi's! When Khushi was upset and not talking to him, Sahil tries to make her understand, "Both same same lion only know". I thot, if they are same, even after he colored in one - why did he wanna exchange? :-) He failed at convincing Khushi but succeeded in amusing us.

2. Di clicked a cute pic of both the kids, Khushi was somehow managing to carry Sahil off the ground. On re-looking at the pictures captured in the mobile, we came across a similar picture in almost same pose, that was taken 2 months ago! Somehow, the posture seemed new and old both!

3. Had fun with we all playing "Chidiya Udd" that sahil likes to call, "Butterfly Fly". :-) Just before patting the hand as punishment, instead of only adding the 'masala', sahil also says, "salt, masala dosa". :-)) I was glad to hear Sahil say, "Pigeon, Parrot, Crow" all by himself! It was also good to see, when Khushi was calling out "Table Flies", Sahil announces, "Table not can fly". "Know mama?"

4. Saku becomes a Copy-cat with Khushi. If didi using spoon, so will he. If didi doing Coloring, so does he. If Didi says she wants to do to Toilet, he does tooo!! Heights, isn't it!?!

5. On being asked to be generous all the time, with Sahil's demands for Khushi's Balloon etc, Khushi asks her mum, "You not like me know?" I just wished, I could explain asking her to give it to her younger bro has nothing to do with not liking Khushi! :-( Didi spoke to Khushi and I admonished Sahil. Both the parents failed to reconcile the children at that moment. A few minutes later, they were again playing together.

6. Worth keeping safe is the memory of both the kids having cold-coffee with one straw each, out of the same glass. :-)

7. How could I forget this? After having tender coconut in the evening, Khushi announces, in her big-girl tone - "I can hold my coconut in my hands, Sahil is small so he can't do it now." I was just glad, Sahil did not hear that statement and take up the challenge. His "Power Ranger" spirit is over-determined at this stage of his life. He doesn't want to give up on anything easily. :-) I can't afford to break my little toe with the coconut falling on my foot!!

Whats In a Thought - My 50th Post

I was thinking of clinching a deal and was wondering, if it will eventually come to me. This is the thought that struck while I was pondering...

What is Mine, No One Can Take.
What is Not Mine - Can Not be at Stake.

Why worry? If its meant to come to me, it will. Even when I least expect it. Just as so many other pieces of the life's-puzzle that have somehow fixed themselves in a lovely form around me. If it doesn't come to me, that means its made place for something else, that will come. Right? Also, if it doesn't come to me, why must I worry for the loss?

How can I lose something that was never mine? Get the idea? ;-)

Pat on the Back to Meee!

The Overactive Traffic Policeman I blogged about...was taken up as a "hot topic" in Adyar Times 10-August-2008 paper!!! Sadly, I do not find an online version of the paper to link it here. Will post a picture of the Policeman from the newspaper cutting... :-)

Niketa Mehta's Case - My views as a Woman and Mother

By God's grace, I have a healthy child.

Even then, I have always felt and understood how difficult it is for parents of a 'unhealthy' child to bring up the same. Not just the financial crisis, there is so much of emotional pain involved too. I understand, once born, the child needs dedication and care. As a parent, I am sure, all of us want and pray for healthy babies. Why then, we fail to support the Mehtas? Only because they have approached the Court? Or is it because we are as it is against abortion, even though its advised on medical grounds? The issue as I understand is basically, do the parents-to-be have the right to decide? As the law stands, No. Why???? Why don't we allow the parents-to-be to decide? Who is anyone else to decide what is right or wrong for them or their family?

Whatever be the law, as a woman and as a mother - only thing I can understand is... If I have to undergo the emotional torture of tearing myself apart to decide to end the life that's blossoming within me - I alone must be allowed to decide. Why should I have to look upon anyone else - other than my partner (at the maximum) to take the decision? Am I a selfish woman? Why do I have to Sacrifice what I feel is best, for Society or Court? Don't we tell ourselves to go with our gut feeling in most cases? Then, as a mother, if I feel for my child and I do not want to let my child suffer in future (once it comes to this world), why am I not thought capable of deciding? How can anyone else judge what I feel or not feel? How can I find sense in the "Hopefully, child will be born fine. If not also, parents must be willing to take care." It is because the parents are
willing to take care, we are thinking and feeling in the first place. Why is this abortion plea being looked upon as "shunning responsibility"? Why are we failing to see - the common sense?

Isn't it common sense not to bring a life into this world that would suffer? That would be dependent? That would cause pain to himself and the parents through the sorrow it would suffer?

Isn't it easy to just watch others battle out the sensitive issue? We would be doing just that, right, when the parents struggle with their baby (true, baby MIGHT be perfectly formed, but as of now, there are 'least' chances of that)... Who are we or the court to decide? Is the Court or the Judge the ultimate parent who is going to see 'his-own-born' suffer? Have you brought a child to this world to even know a bit of what it means?... Why do we fail to see that even the parents who approached the court, would have broken-their-own-heart to take the decision from their side in the first place? How can we be heart-less enough to say - as they are not attached to the child - they can give the child to some NGO when the child is born?

How many unknown abortions are taking place all over the world? Who is being held accountable for that? Why then, in this case, its becomes so much of an ethical drama? Please. Let the mum decide!

At this point I began thinking of re-organizing my thoughts (for better readability)...and I checked out other posts that had been written for the same case. Check this out for a comprehensive sumary... <http://elekhni.com/2008/08/abortion-and-the-niketa-mehta-case/>

Sahil Speaks...

1. As he observes so much of all that he gets to see, he learnt about "Deodorant" sometime ago. For convenience, he calls it "deello". I have tried my level best to explain the harmful side-effects if the spray gets into eyes...to ensure Sahil does not ever use it by himself. We also keep those away from his reach.

Last evening, as we had a yucky surprise visitor - read Cockroach!, hubby sprayed the "Red Hit" over that. Sahil comes running to me with a sulky face and says, "Mumma, papa using Red Deello on cockroach, mumma." :-)

2. The other day, sahil surprised me by talking like an adult. As his dad was going to reach home late, and it was already dinner-time, I enquired if the little fellow will eat his dinner. He asks me, "When Papa coming?" Before I can answer, he tells me, "Let papa come. Then we eat." That particular day, no amount of convincing helped and he ate with his dad only.

3. The other day little fellow was insisting his dad gears up for a 'fist-fight' with him. Dad being tired was trying to avoid, so he suggested, "Let's watch some Action movie". Immediately comes the reply - "Ac-chun movie also they doing like this know. Dishum dishum, I'll shoot you". "U come papa, Sahil not beat you more. we play slowly-slowly". I was amused at the explanation trying to wade away his dad's fears!

4. The songs he sings and how!
------ "Oh baby when U talk like that!" - "Abhimanyu* dont talk like that"
*Abhimanyu is another fellow at his creche!"
------ "Dekho dekho kya woh paed hai" - "Deiko deiko, kya paid hai?"
------ "We are going to Ibiza" - "We are goin to eat pizza". :-)
------ "Main kabhi batlata nahin" - "main kabhi. I not like this song".
------ "You are my honey bun, sugar pummpy-umpkin, sweety pie. Apple of my eye"

5. If he does not see me immediately when he calls for me, on seeing me, he says, "mumma, where you gone? I churching for you." :-(

6. He shocked me one day, as I picked him up from creche. He tells me, "Ajay fighting with me today. Sahil not Aajay friend. Ajay kill me." The "Kill" is actually - tamil for pinching!

7. He has learnt to say - "Water". I liked it more when he used to say, "Taughter".

8. Off late, he has been hearing my bro and me discussing about "passport". Last night, just before sleeping, he fakes that he is making a call to me. He says, "Mumma, hello, mumma, where are you?" I said, "Hie Sahil, I am at Kripas. (Kerala)". Then I ask him, "Sahil, where are you?" He says, "I am at A-Port (airport). I want Paa-port (Passport). You bring. Okay. Bye". :-))

Straws and Bubbles

Just as I was thinking, I don't have anything new to blog about...I got 2 emails from my friend/sister saying they are happy to read about the little fellow. :-))
* A friend of mine was telling me how her nephews reacted to the 'Drinking Straws'. I could recall how we adults take this simple thing for granted, whereas, as a parent, this is something we 'teach' our kids! It seems the twin boys (aged 3) were pretty comfortable with using spoons to eat their food but had not been introduced to 'straws' until they went to a juice shop. On seeing their aunt (my friend) easily drink up her juice, they imitated the same - causing only bubbles and juice flowed out of the glass. :-) They were blowing air into the glass instead of sucking the juice (just like Sahil had done the first time!). Moreover, when the repeat tries were not successful, they were put off by the failure and chose not to drink the juice, if they can't have it with straw! :-( Of course, now they have mastered the 'art'. :-))
* Bubbles. No wonder the baby-shower-gel companies decorate the bottles with Big Big Bubbles. My dear Sahil loves to point-out the Bubbles (which we fail to notice!) while bathing or even while brushing. He watches the Bubble excitedly until it breaks - while it slips from his arm, until his toe, onto the floor! The more, the better.

My Cheeky Cheeku!

1. Last night, when Saku didn't want to sleep and his dad was insisting, Saku asks Jeshu - "Whats your Pommel man?" (whats your problem man!) in typically his daddy's style. :-)

2. The other day, on seeing the "Dhoni-imitating-Rajni" advertisement, Sahil says, "Dey Rascal" in such a cute way that I wished I didn't have to stop him from using the word. :-(

3. This morning, when his Dad left with him for school without taking his rain-jacket, Sahil tells me: "Sahil like rain, sahil like to get wet, papa also like rain know?" as I was mumbling that it might rain, what would he do.

4. I try to scare the little fellow with an imaginary "Budda baba" sometimes. Because we don't want him to be a Scared Cat, he has also been told, if he behaves well, Papa will beat up the "Budda baba". When Sahil gets angry over something, sometimes he says, "You wait. Budda baba come and beat you nicely." Or he talks to Budda Baba as, "Budda baba, come soon. Mummy not putting Tom and Jerry know. Take mummy and go to your house." :-))

5. Ask Sahil the time and we get one of the following answers: "10.30", "8.30". Today he gave a very nice one - "30.40", trying to impress urgency that I was already creating while dressing him for school.

6. As it becomes late to put Saku to bed almost everyday, I push aside the bed-time story reading sometimes. Last night, inspite of it having been beyond the bed-time, I took the initiative of reading "Pit, Pat, Pet and the Naughty Giant" with Saku. Guess what my son asks surprised (after we finish reading) - "Mumma, Tomorrow Holidayyyyyy?" :-) I had to explain its a working day tomorrow and we can't stay up late everyday. He again asks me, "Mumma not tieeeuuuudddhh today?" (mumma not Tired today). I love him!

On Falling - Out of Love

This is a poem that I had written many years ago, when someone I knew had a break-up. As I saw the person tearing apart to take the final steps...I wrote the lines. I happened to read this again recently (pulled some books out of the attic), and I felt, its much more relevant in today's times, when sadly, most of the relationships are becoming 'temporary arrangements'. :-(

Not Anymore

I have been so confused
and for so long,
now, I don't know
whether the confusion
will end here
or, Go On.

I had been believing that I was in love,
the type in which
deep sighs were spared
and salty tears abhorred.
But now, after all this
which you have seen me suffer
and much more you didn't know
I went through,
I know better:
I am not in Love,
Not Anymore.

I had always believed
you would respond
even to my slightest call,
But I proved myself wrong.
When I have been screaming,
you said, you don't hear
Anymore.

When did the Love end?
I can't point.
Is there any other chance?
I can't say.
But for now,
its best we,
part our way.

There is something else
I want you to know,
I can't say so,
but we both know:
How much responsible each one
of Us is, for all this...
and much more.

I took so long
to understand you didn't need me,
after having found
your different destination.
I don't want to
tag myself along
like a Candle-light;
when you reach out
to pick your star.
I thought being there
forever beside you
was the Ultimate Joy
I had been looking for.
I was wrong.
Not Anymore.

I never imagined
that you would leave me
and walk alone.
I had been so sure
of the security which
our Togetherness brought along.
But I guess, I had
been foolish enough
not to see the storm
which swept me off my feet,
and I was left empty-handed,
stupified and exasperated.

Inspite of all this,
I still thought I was in love,
even though I was devastated.
But now,
I know better:
I am not in Love,
Not Anymore.

I have always been
getting webbed within
the valley of thoughts
but no more.
I have been indecisive
for a long span of time
but no more.
My confusion gave way
to intensive soul-search
and the painful probation,
has led me to
even more painful conclusion.
I was unable to realize,
I did not have courage to make a decision.
But No More.

I thought our Love
was an undying one.
I believed no one grows...
out of Love:
but You proved me wrong.
And now I am at a crossroad,
where I know, I have to put a Stop.
I can't go on.
I am not in Love.
Not Anymore.

Daily Meditation For Women - WIIIFM

*WIIIFM - What's In It For Me....
God has His Own way of answering some of our questions. Just as I was wondering, if I need to change...there is this meditation message in my Inbox on "Taking a Chance".

** I am adding today's meditation with their Copyright info here, to let my reader's know what they stand to gain by subscribing to "Daily Message" from "Meditations for Women".

*** To enrol yourself, use the hyperlinked image below the "Daily Messages to Empower Yourself" text (on the right side).

Why Can't I be just - Noddy

Yeah, must learn to become Noddy. ;-) Anything assigned? Nod. Anything re-routed? Nod. Anything stalled? Raise a concern but remember to Nod. Being asked to go against the rules? Think. Question. Confirm. Nod. Being asked to create history? Nod. Being asked to Erase History? Nod. Being asked to involve someone else? Nod. Being asked not to clarify your point of view? Nod. Being asked to generate Reports? Nod. You want to differ with someone? Nod (no need to differ). You want to offer suggestion? Nod (No one needs it). Someone not willing to decide? Nod.

Nodding is the only way up? Thanks Noddy. Sometimes your philosophy makes life grind less-stressful.

What To Do When...

1. Someone whom you think a Friend, proves you wrong?
2. Someone whom you trust, chooses not to trust you?
3. Someone whom you discuss things with, prefers to avoid sharing important decisions?
4. Someone whom you expect to understand you and value you by creating bonds, walks over you as a surprise?

Only things left to do is:
(a) Avoid blaming yourself or the other person.
(b) Avoid feeling pained even if intentionally hurt.
(c) Overlook what happened and go your way.
(d) Look for what lies beneath and correct yourself (even if you can't spot what went wrong)
(e) Most importantly, do not estimate your worth by such incidents. :-) People come, people go, life still goes on.
(f) Don't look for answers. All questions do not have answers.

His Japanese-Styled Hindi

That's exactly how my bro describes the basic 'hindi' that my son speaks. Japanese-Hindi :-)
His gender-mixed sentences are good. Wanna capture some of the 'beautiful phrases' he has spilt recently...

1. The other day, when Sahil got irritated with me not letting him come into the wahsroom while I was washing clothes; he stares at me and says, "thahher ja. batati hoon main tujhey." (Hold on, I will tell you.) Thats something I use rarely for Sahil, just to give him a feel that I have got irritated with what he did.

2. On seeing my bro's bike in their compound and not finding my bro in his house (bro was hiding), the little fellow asked my mum, "Naani, Maamu kahan gayi?" (where has mamu (in sense - she) gone?) My bro was caught laughing.

3. While doing home-work, Sahil suddenly pulls the eraser and says - "main karoongi". (I will do - feminine)

4. When he is trying to impress me with something that he remembers I have asked him not to do, he says - "Main aisay karoongi toh mummy marengay" (If I do like this (feminine), mummy will beat me (plural))

Sour Grapes?

As Sahil was slowly munching Grapes last evening, his dad asked him - "Why are you eating grapes so slowly?" We thought maybe his grapes were sour. Pat came the reply, "Grapes havin' Bones know, that's why I am eatingh slowly. " We realized, we had bought big green grapes which were not seed-less. :-))

Un-Learning Corporate Skills

Yeah, the title of this post is a little absurd.... This is not a "Guide to Dealing Professionally", incase you thought it was. I am just going to add my Reminder Points (so I can look them up again) - picked up over the jobs I held until now and the roles I have seen people play. :-) The Number One rule is my favourite, though I never agreed with it personally in my younger days. :-))

1. There is no place for any emotions in the Workplace. (Your Tears ... fears ... sentiments ... and feelings are better placed elsewhere).

2. Do not expect anything from anyone. Its easier said than done, but I guess, this is the best way to avoid being pained for anything.

3. Share only about yourself. Even by mistake, do not share your opinion of anyone - however close your-so-called-friends may make you feel. That way, you save yourself 2 pains - One - Of having said something you shouldn't have and Two - Of having shared something with someone who may not even feel the way you do. :-) Opinions Change, Opinions Differ.

4. Remember, in the Corporate World, everyone is "More or Less - an Acquaintance". Do not work/worry/bother to create friendships. Who seems a friend today, may not be so, in the long run. Save yourself the trouble of saying what you feel like saying. Ask yourself - "Do I need to say anything at all?" before you open yourself to others.

5. Trust everyone equally. Special trust is Only for yourself, God and your Manager. ;-) Jus kidding. Observe how people deal with each other, what level of sharing they do. No harm in sharing your views on general topics. Anything personal, do you need to share?

6. Remember, You hold your position firstly because of the work you put in. Ensure you give your best there and better it each time you have something to do. Everything else is secondary.

7. Do not Value yourself based on other's opinion. Similarly, do not go by someone else's opinion for anyone. Find out for yourself. Start positively.

8. Last but most important. Look for the "Positive Forte's" of your colleagues. Try to imbibe the same and move on.

Officially - What I know, what I don't know --- no longer matters. I have matured, finally.

* Inspite of all my new wisdom, I have made profound friendships at my job places earlier. I value all of them. I have begun to change my thinking to the extent that, if an acquanitance has to move one step ahead and change into anything of value - it would happen. I do not have to go through the 'thought-process' of 'how good/bad a friend an acquaintance really is'. Be natural, be myself while I am here. Thats all that matters, right?

Doing Homework with Maamu

For few 'd' letters that my son was to complete as Home-Work yesterday, he allowed my bro to guide his palm. As if he had had enough, Sahil suddenly changed plates. Asking my bro to hold the pencil, Sahil states - "Maamu, see poperly. I am Miss. Hold the pencil, now make like this, do like that. Sahil teach now know. You do like that only. Okay. Don't make NAYKES." I was aghast at hearing 'don't make Naykes' as I had jokingly told Sahil sometime earlier that when he writes independently, his letter 'd' looks like snake. My son is mastering the art of catching words before they spill out of our mouths!

My bro declared that Sahil can do his homework after going to his house. :-))

Our Trip to Kannur

Saturday Morning (12July) had made an un-planned trip to Kannur as my father-in-law was hospitalized. By God's grace, he is much better now and recovering. Wish to summarize the activities my son absorbed himself in, during the time...

1. The long hours at hospital taught my son to be relatively still. Every half an hour though, at the first opportunity, the little one would run out into the corridor. At one point, when he was too frisky, I tried telling him that the nurse would give him an injection. He retorted, "Biggg Injection? Nurse not give Sahil, sahil small boy know." :-)

2. Once home in Kerala, the huge space does wonders to uplift my spirits and how can then my littul one remain unaffected? He goes around exploring every nook and corner, especially the frontyard. He finds the 'Centipedes' and other worms. I remember, pervious trip, he had come to the kitchen and shown me - "Mumma, see 'Entipeeeede'" and when I turned trying to search the creature on the floor - Sahil opened his palm and revealed the crawly!!! I had made him drop that immediately (was scared about his safety) and admonished him from holding those.
Touching those.

This time around, he spotted some of them trying to go into a small fence like enclosure. Sadly, my growing up son chose to show his power to those help-less crawlies and stoned one before I could catch him doing that. Proudly, he comes running to me and says, "Mumma, Sahil beat that entipeeede. Entipeeede not moving now." I had to admonish him this time, against any such attacks, until he is in danger. Next morning, my son finds a group of Centipedes and goes as close as possible to them and shouts to me, "Mumma, see, Entipeeede coming to bite me. Sahil beat it now?". :-)) I was half-smiling when I moved him away and asked him to stand far, so they won't bite him and he doesn't get validity to repeat his stoning!

No wonder my Father-in-law was amused at his grandson's researches in his yard.

3. As work kept me busy, I had strictly told sahil to 'Watch your step, see where you are keeping your foot, otherwise you will fall down' while coming downstairs alone. One still afternoon, as I was cleaning dishes, my son announes, "Mumma, sahil coming down on stairs. No pommel (problem). Sahil coming slowly. I am seeing Mumma, where my foot going. sahil not fall down. Sahil not geth hut (get hurt)" :-)) I was thrilled to note that my words were saved in the little one's head atleast for the time being.

4. After returning back, while dressing him up for school I posed the question, "Saku, Your Maam will ask you why you did not come to school so many days. What will you tell Maam?" My sweet little monkey excitedly announces - "Sahil tell Maam - Sahil gone to Kerela know. Sahil played nicely." I was convinced his teacher is not going to trust that we rushed on long leave for a valid reason. :-(

Searching - Why My Blog Exists...

Why I write
Coz I like to. Truly, I don't know, its just that it comes with so much ease to pen down and there is always so much to write about. Just not enough time though. :-( The travails of a working life, the willingness to just drop everything and only live life each day - minus the 'Have-Tos".

What Your Comments Mean to Me
Ideally, one must not base her importance on the appreciation/criticism of another. :-) Of course, When it comes to writing, its important to know, what the 'Readers' think of it. Is it something they want to read? Is it something that they would like to come back to? Is it good enough to give them a sense of being, as that's basically what 'Writing' is about. Are they able to relate to what they read? (In that regard, my posts about my kiddo are worthless? I don't hope so! They make me feel good, is it only me who relates to those??)

Read somewhere - The Blog must have a Goal too. Not just our lives. Goal for a Blog? What's the Goal of my blog? This brings me back a whole circle to the question I posed myself - 'Why I write'? Why am I Blogging? Is it to prove to myself, I have not forgotten to capture emotions in words? Nay. To help my ever-fading memory? :-) Maybe. When did I start? Way back in my school-days? Yeah, that's when I wrote some poetry - partly imaginary and partly emotionally. Hmm...Turned to Haikus style for convenience. What did I write recently only for myself? For Father's Day - wrote a heart-felt poem for my papa, whom I miss more than I like to acknowledge. Time has taken him away earlier than I could return the care he showered...Where is this post heading? Its supposed to give me answer to the ultimate - why.

Coming back to that...I can write about almost anything. ;-) You tell me, what you like to read about? What do you look for - while Reading Blogs? I'll see how far I can mould my blog for that. Till then, its all going to me my kiddo and life as I see it. :-) keep Readin and lettin me know what You think of what U read!

How to Make My Blog Better
One thing, its all text presently. I must add some pics. Thats pending. What else will enhance the writing space? Your Comments. :-)) Maybe a little work is required on my Profile too. Template? I updated that recently. I read some valuable tips on improving Blog Value. Let me see if I can ensure sticking to the "Good-to-Do" tips. Your suggestions are welcome.